


Worse Than Strangers

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Biphobia, Emmerdale Big Bang Round 3, Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Robert works through some stuff okay, also lots of intense looks, but like Jack is an idiot and it isn't so bad, honestly this is a hot mess, persuasion au, rugby player!Aaron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:09:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21760681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: As a young businessman, Robert Sugden meets and falls in love with Aaron Dingle, a young, passionate rugby-hopeful. However, when Aaron wants to make their relationship public, Robert freaks out and breaks up with him. Robert has been buried in his work and his family life for the past five years, focusing all his energy on work after never truly recovering from his loss. When Aaron returns to Emmerdale unexpectedly he is a changed man; rich, famous, and he has not forgiven Robert for what happened. Will Robert and Aaron find each other again with five years and so much pain between them?
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Adam Barton/Victoria Sugden, Robert Sugden & Victoria Sugden
Comments: 29
Kudos: 185
Collections: Emmerdale Big Bang Round 3 2019





	Worse Than Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> a few caveats before you start this fic:  
> 1\. I do not know anything about business. Please pretend that what I am writing is feasible and this whole thing will be better.  
> 2\. I could not have done this without my lovely beta, spamela_hamderson on tumblr. Darsh you are wonderful, thank you for finding all the places where I fucked with the tenses and for keeping me enthusiastic about writing this bastard. Working with you has been great, and you will find her words and mind sprinkled throughout this story.  
> 3\. This fic works mostly because Robert and Aaron are nightmare humans. I have placed a few easter eggs into the story that illude to that fact. Have fun giggling.  
> 4\. There are two separate stories which run simultaneously here, one in the past and one in the present. Past story will be written in italics, present in normal text.  
> 5\. The amazing artwork for this big bang was made by zippywafflebuns on tumblr, and you can see it here [here](https://zippywafflebuns.tumblr.com/post/189631071159/emmerdale-big-bang-2019-art-post-worse-than).

**EMMERDALE**

He stands in the empty house and breathes in the silence. The usual noise-filled office and milling about of employees is gone, replaced by empty cupboards bereft of all personal effects. It is a shell of a house devoid of life, floor and walls and ceiling but nothing more. Robert stands in it, breathes it in. A tiny part of him feels this is the punishment he deserves; to stand in the ruins of their home and know it is his fault, know it lays squarely on his shoulders. So he keeps his feet planted on the floor, eyes drifting over the furniture and curtains that he so painstakingly picked to match the wallpaper, and he watches as the sunlight illuminates every spec of dust floating through the air. 

“Coming, Robert?” Rakesh’s voice echoes through the empty rooms. Rakesh promised to get him through today and Robert is grateful for his presence, despite knowing what it means. What he has to let go of. 

“Do I need to sign anything else?” His voice sounds surer than he imagined it would. 

Rakesh’s footsteps are audible long before he finally comes into view, vest too tight over his expansive chest and an arguably too expensive shirt underneath. Despite his fashion sense, Robert still sees the intelligence in his features that made Robert hire him all those years ago as his lawyer. 

“No, I’ve got everything here,” he says. He taps his suitcase and gives Robert a sad smile. “I’m sorry it has come to this.” 

Robert forces a smile and holds out his hand, a final farewell to a company well-built. Rakesh looks at it and takes it, giving Robert a firm handshake. Their eyes meet and Rakesh, despite being a self-serving ruthless bastard, looks almost genuinely sad. Robert lets go and their hands fall to their sides. 

“Let me know what the estate agents say,” Robert says. Rakesh nods. 

“Take care, Robert,” he says, before walking out of Home Farm. Robert can hear the gravel crunching under Rakesh’s feet and the sound of a car door opening and waits until the faint hum of the engine is long gone before he makes a final round through the house. He walks through the ground floor, making sure he has everything before picking up the small box that sat beside the door and walking out, closing the door to Home Farm one last time. 

Victoria told him he was being too hard on himself - he can’t control every aspect of other businesses outcompeting him for contracts and work. It’d been a collection of small mistakes that he could never have foreseen that lead to everything falling apart. Robert knows this, knows that he can’t have predicted what will happen, but he can’t help the voice in the back of his head, a voice not entirely his own, telling him that the mistakes are his, that his faults and lack of business acumen would have lead to this eventually. 

Rug Tree Bonds started four years earlier, one man in a small office in his father’s household with knowledge of farming equipment and a drive that his father has never entirely understood. Jack lent him the money and kept making sure Robert knew exactly where that money came from, why his business was booming, how it came to be. Now it has crumbled and Jack is still making sure that Robert knows whose fault it is—his own. 

The pub is almost empty, and Robert takes a table in the corner. The box sits on the table beside him, looming. Vic comes over with the pint she’d poured him as soon as she’d seen him walk in. As she put it down on the table, her smile is bright but consoling. 

“So, you sold Home Farm, so what?” Vic asks in an attempt at levity. She smiles like this is a good thing, like this isn’t the culmination of years of Robert’s work being flushed down the drain. “What’s next?”

“I’m in pain here, what more do you want?” He is colder than is strictly necessary and he knows she is just trying to be positive. She squints and cocks her head to the side.

“No need to bite my head off, just trying to make conversation.” 

Robert shrugs, rubs his hands together in front of him. “I’m sorry, I just…” he trails off in lieu of an answer. They’ve had this conversation before, no point in having it again. “We’ve lived there all our lives, Vic. Leaving it behind, renting it out…” There is a knot in his stomach when he thinks about it, someone else living in his home. 

“You did your best with that you had, yeah? You fought for it and yeah it failed, but you did all you could. You should be proud,” she says. She has said it before. Vic keeps smiling at him and he knows she is trying to be kind but all he feels is the loss in his chest, the knowledge that he built something and let it slip through his fingers. It seems to be a theme in his life. 

He is halfway through his second pint when a voice shakes him from his quiet reverie. 

“Thought I might find you here.” Andy’s tone is mocking and Robert takes a sip from his pint before speaking. 

“What do you want?” he asks. Andy’s face is the last thing Robert wants to look at so instead he looks at his pint, watching the bubbles float up and disappear. 

“Dad and I are travelling down to Manchester tomorrow, thought you will want to say goodbye.” 

Robert narrows his eyes and looks up. “I thought I was going with you?” 

Andy shrugs. “Thought you could stay here with Vic—Dad knows you have a few more things to sort, selling of equipment and some bills to pay, clients to talk to.” 

Robert feels a stab of anger. “I’m being left here?”  _ To sort out the mess, _ he thinks but he doesn’t dare to say. His fist clenches under the table.

Andy nods. “Thought that would be what you wanted,” he says. 

What he wants? As if Andy or his father ever cared to ask him what he wants. Robert opens his mouth to reply but Vic comes over and stares at him, making him stop. “Why don’t you stay with me for a while?” she asks, smiling. 

Robert swallows his retort. 

“Will be nice, won’t it?” Andy says, a smile on his lips. 

“I want to spend a bit more time with you before you go to Manchester as well, and Adam can use the help at Holey Scrap,” Vic says. 

Robert stares at her, his little sister who knows him better than either his brother or father ever will, who always makes him feel like maybe there is one person in this world who will care if he disappeared. 

“Sure,” he says. “Might be nice.” He meets her gaze and she grins at him. 

“Brilliant! I’ll make us a burger to celebrate. You want to join us Andy?” she asks. 

“No, thanks. Got some stuff to sort out first.” Andy gives Vic a one-armed hug and glances at Robert. “See you later, yeah?” 

Robert grumbles in agreement and Andy leaves him to it. 

Of course he’s being left to sort out the kinks, to figure out how to appease all the investors and clients that the business now owes money to, his father’s final way of telling him that it’s all his fault. 

He knows his room at the inn is booked and ready for him, but another pint can’t hurt before bed. With every sip his anger lessens, or at least that is what he tells himself. 

The eggs that Doug cooked are perfectly edible, and the coffee is better than expected, but Robert would rather be anywhere else than sitting between his father and Andy. Jack eats in silence while Andy talks and Robert wants to strangle him.

“You have to remember to settle business with the Parkers in Leeds,” Andy says for the fifth time. “If we can get investors in Manchester we might be able to salvage something up here, and the Parkers will be the first clients we contact if that happens.” 

“I know,” Robert mutters between bites. 

“Also, I know you need to help Adam but I hope you won’t forget to call the bank about another loan,” Andy says. 

Vic sits in silence too, and sends Robert a condoling smile whenever she can. 

“I’m hoping,” Jack suddenly says, “that we can start again, that this sale will allow us to find new purchase in this area. I’ve talked to a certain Mr. White about potential funding and he seems interested.”

Robert has heard of the Whites, and not good things. 

“I could call the Willises again, if you want?” he asks, but Jack shakes his head. 

“With our current situation I don’t want any exploration of potential investment until we have backing from someone new, someone with credibility…” Jack pours himself some coffee and doesn’t offer any to anyone else. “I want this done smoothly, Robert. Sort out or finances, get our affairs in order, and then we will see you when you are done.”

Robert nods. There is nothing else for him to do. 

When breakfast is done, Jack and Andy are picked up by the driver taking them on to Manchester, the car packed with the possessions that Jack did not want transported by truck.

“I’ll call you later in the week to hear how you are doing,” Jack says. Robert hasn’t been babied like this in years and he has to force himself not to make a terse comment. 

There is no hugging, not with Robert, and they leave without further ado. 

“Right,” Vic says, putting her arm around Robert’s waist and pulling him close. “You’re coming with me.” 

Robert smiles a little. “I thought I would be going with them,” he says. 

“I know,” Vic says. “We’ll make it fun, I promise. I’ll keep the fridge stocked with beer.” 

Robert lets out a small laugh. 

“Let me get my things from the inn, and I’ll be over later.” 

A sudden cold washes over him and he jerks awake, instantly aware of his surroundings and the fact that he slept in his briefs.

“Vic, what’re you -?” he starts. His hand shoots out to cover his body with his duvet but Vic is holding it firmly between her hands. 

“How do you want your eggs?” she asks. 

“Vic, I was asleep -”

“I know but you’ve been sleeping in for a week now, sulking and moaning and drinking too much and I won’t allow it. I will get you through this.” 

Robert stares at her, furious. “I was up until 2 last night, working!” 

She stares at him. “I could hear the movie from my bedroom, Rob.” 

Robert runs a hand over his face. “Fine, Vic. It’s been a hard week, okay?”

She sits down next to him, arms now wrapped around his duvet, and smiles sadly. “I know it isn’t easy, but I’m not going to let you wallow in misery, I’m going to get you up and out and ready to face the day. So, breakfast is in 10. Adam’s already gone to the scrapyard but don’t worry about that today. There’s a cup of coffee next to you, so you can drink that and then have a shower. Today I thought we would just talk, you and me.” Robert knows that look on her face—stubbornness runs in the family and he knows there is no fighting with her, not on this. He nods, and she takes a breath before asking, “How do want your eggs?”

“Scrambled,” he concedes. 

Vic nods. “See you downstairs in 10 then,” she says, walking out with his duvet between her arms. 

“Wait, what are you doing?” he yells after her, but the duvet does not return. “Vic!”

He sighs and looks over to see the steaming cup of coffee right next to his head. He is freezing, so he wraps his hands around it and pretends it is enough heat to keep him warm.He takes a sip of his coffee, annoyed to find that it is particularly good. 

Ten minutes later, he walks downstairs to a kitchen filled with the smell of bacon, eggs, sausages, the lot. It’s a feast for his grumbling stomach, and one he welcomes as he heaps some of everything on to his plate. 

“What’s all this for?” he asks. 

“I told you,” Vic says as she places a cup of tea on the table and sits down. “I won’t have you wallowing. Now, I know the business has gone south and you’ve had to rent out Home Farm and all that but that doesn’t mean your opportunities are done or that you can’t move on to the next thing.”

Robert met her eye and smiles slightly. “I know all that Vic, but -” he sighs and sets his fork down. “It still stings. Dad leaving me to sort out the mess because I made it...” 

“Of course it does!” she says. “Wouldn’t matter if it didn’t. But promise me you won’t get stuck in it.” 

The look she gives him is enough to let him know now is not the time to argue with her. 

“I’ll try.” He smiles at her and it gives him a little pleasure to see her face light up in response. 

“Good,” she says. “Now, when were you going to tell me who is renting out Home Farm?” There is a glint of excitement in her eyes, and he takes a bite of his eggs. Vic really is a good cook. 

“I don’t know who it is, Vic. Rakesh couldn’t tell me anything. It was all done through some lawyer who said the tenant wanted to remain anonymous. I have no idea who’s going to live there, just that it’s been paid for,” Robert says. 

“Well, then  _ I _ can tell you.” Her eyes sparkle and her grin grows wide.

“I don’t care, Vic.” He takes another sip of coffee. 

“Oh come on,” she says. “Guess! I can give you a hint. It’s a Dingle,” she says. 

Robert freezes. “Another Dingle? Aren’t there enough of them already?” 

Vic hits him on the shoulder with a dish-towel. “Except we know these Dingles. It’s Chas and her new husband, John. They’ve rented it for the foreseeable. I heard Charity say that Aaron might come and stay with them as well,” Vic continues.

The lack of breath, the sweaty palms and the roiling stomach hits him hard, making him feel nauseated as he sits there and tries to pretend that this isn’t information that changes everything. Vic is emphatic when she continues: “You must remember him! He lived here about five years ago, moved away to play rugby in France.” 

“Yeah, I do,” he manages, voice shaky.  _ Aaron Dingle.  _ She says his name like it isn’t throwing his world off balance, like it isn’t threatening to rip him apart. His eyes dart around the room. Aaron. Coming here. “Isn’t he still in France?” 

“I heard from Charity that Chas and John wanted to move back to Emmerdale and Aaron rented Home Farm for them. Apparently Chas could pick wherever she wanted to live and she picked Home Farm. The season’s over and his contract is up, so he can move back.” Her smile doesn’t falter. “This is brilliant—not that I know him well but it’ll be good for Adam to have his mate back, you know?” She is happy, so so happy and it just makes Robert even more miserable. “Must’ve wanted to keep the press out of it until it was final,” she says. 

“Yeah,” Robert mutters. He rubs his palms down his jeans to hide the shaking and gets up abruptly, the air in the kitchen suddenly stifling and hot. He glances at his half finished breakfast and walks over to make himself a cup of tea.

“I thought that might make your morning more interesting, even if you weren’t that close. I think Charity mentioned they’d be moving in at the end of the month, but no word on when Aaron’ll join” she says. “Will be fun, won’t it, having Aaron Dingle back now that he’s famous and all?”

_ Aaron Dingle.  _ Robert lets out a breath slowly, trying to calm his shaking hands as he pours milk into his tea. “Yeah,” he says quietly. 

“Right, I’m going to go and have a shower but I’ll see you in twenty, we can head out for our walk then,” she says and goes up the stairs.

Finally alone, Robert brings a hand up to his chest. 

How can she even ask– of course he remembers. Robert has followed Aaron’s career for four years, reading every mention of him in the press and watching every game carefully. He has googled Aaron’s statistics late in the night with a glass of whisky and even once bet on his team to win some money. He knows Aaron Dingle as a professional rugby player, international star of the rugby world and first openly gay player, with countless modelling deals and brands throwing money at him, and all the tabloid articles about who he might be dating. 

Robert also remembers Aaron, the 20 year old with a fixed frown and too much gel in his hair. The man with the soft lips and bright eyes, who used to scowl at Robert’s jokes and bite his lower lip when he was nervous. The man who had Robert questioning everything about himself, the only person he had ever been himself with, who left after Robert couldn’t handle it. Them. 

He grabs his jacket and leaves the house, walking briskly to try and focus his mind, but it doesn’t work. It has been so long since Robert let himself remember, but now, memories threatened to break through the careful wall he has built to keep them buried. Memories of soft words and softer kisses pressed to his skin, thoughts and feelings that he has tried to suppress for years but found he never really could. Memories of being loved and knowing what it meant to have someone who wanted him, understood him. Each step he takes does nothing to calm him and soon he finds himself standing on the bridge, staring at the water flowing beneath him, watching the ripples form and disappear.

He wishes he could forget—the nights he has spent trying to force the memory of Aaron from his mind, either through alcohol or sex with strangers, are too numerous to count and yet every touch since has been laced with the memory of Aaron’s rough hands on his skin, every whisky-laced kiss a mere shadow of what he’d had once.

Aaron Dingle is coming here. Soon. Robert takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. 

Aaron must hate him. He has thought about that every day since he left, imagined the look on Aaron’s face if they ever saw each other again. Soon he won’t have to imagine. The thought makes him ache with worry, fear, hatred of himself and who he was back then. 

Robert stares at the rushing water, and tries to breathe evenly. 

Robert is on the phone to an old client, pacing around the living room at Keeper’s. He is trying to salvage the remnants of their past relationship, and it isn’t going well.

“I know information has been scarce,” he starts but is cut off. 

“I just want to make sure I can get a return on my investment,” Mr Brown says. “I don’t know whether you are aware of how long I have been involved in Sugden Farming Solutions, but I need to know what is happening.”

It is one of the parts that Jack and Andy left to him and Robert will be damned if it doesn’t work out. He doesn’t have to take a look at the numbers on his computer to know it is bad—very bad—and that Mr Brown can’t know that, he can’t let him know that. “Yes, I am aware. I will get you a report by Monday,” Robert promises. 

Mr Brown sighs but concedes, and Robert can finally hang up. He slumps back onto the sofa and pulls the laptop closer to him.

“Everything alright?” Vic calls in from the kitchen. 

Robert sighs. “If you have a glass of whisky waiting for me, then yes.” 

“I do not,” she says. “I do have some news though.” 

Robert walks in to the kitchen. The knot he has had in his stomach since the news that Chas Dingle is moving back to Emmerdale tightens, and he pours himself a glass of water in the hopes that it will help. 

“Go on then,” he says. 

“Chas arrived yesterday,” she says. 

He knew it was coming but hearing it is a different feeling entirely, hitting stronger than he anticipated. He was not prepared but he takes a deep breath nonetheless. It’s just Chas. Chas didn’t know, at least not to Robert’s knowledge. It could be weeks, months even before Aaron follows. He has time. 

“I hope she is happy in our home,” Robert says. 

“Don’t be like that,” Vic counters. “We all knew it was going to happen, and I think Chas’ll look after the place.” 

Robert rolls his eyes. “A Dingle being careful?” 

Vic smiles a little. “Anyway, I saw her last night at the pub and she seemed really happy. John was there too, he seems nice. She said Aaron’s arriving tomorrow and she’s invited everyone he used to know to come out for a drink Friday evening.” 

Robert’s knuckles go white around the glass in his hand. “I’m not sure I can make it,” he says. “I promised Mr Brown a report by Monday and I really need to make sure it is good enough.” 

Vic shrugs. “I’m sure you can manage that by Friday, can’t you?”

Robert sets the glass down. “I’ll try,” he says, knowing he won’t. “Sounds like it could be a lot of fun.” 

Vic smiles. “I’m sure you’ll do your best.” 

Faking a work emergency had not been difficult—with the business bankrupt and Jack trying to salvage whatever he can, there are tonnes of emails Robert has to answer as well as placating any frayed relationships. Just because his father is in Manchester doesn’t mean that Robert doesn’t have to fight tooth and nail to prove himself, to make it alright. Especially after the debacle that was Rug Tree Bonds. 

It had been easy to lie, too. To check his phone, fake surprise and annoyance, excuse himself before Vic and the others met up with Aaron at the pub. In short, to make sure he stayed home instead of going out and seeing Aaron. 

Robert wakes up from a restless sleep after a night of not getting enough done, and his stomach in a knot. A headache is growing, exacerbated by the late night staying up, drinking alcohol and staring at his screen until the words melted together into an incoherent mass of guilt. 

The bed feels rock hard beneath him and the light is too bright for him to fall asleep again, despite the early hour. His brain can’t switch off, but he doesn’t want to think. Instead, he plods downstairs in a pair of old jeans and a green jumper and gets a head start on breakfast. By the time the bacon is frying and the toast buttered, Victoria comes down the stairs yawning, a smile on her face. 

“You don’t look too bad,” Robert comments. 

She grins. “I don’t feel too bad either, despite the mad number of shots last night.” 

Robert smiles in reply. “Had fun then?” He wants her to say no, to say yes, to say anything that’ll give him an idea of what to expect.

Victoria put the kettle on and found three cups. “Was great! Aaron can get us access to all the VIP areas of clubs now that he’s famous so we all got in to one of the bigger bars in Hotton, and had a free bottle of vodka as well. The music was great,” she says, handing him a cup of tea. “You would’ve enjoyed yourself.” 

Robert shrugs. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it,” he says, voice even. “Maybe next time.”

Steam rises from his tea and he stares at it, glad to have something to focus on, to distract him.

“Aaron mentioned last night that you two used to be mates back when he lived here. You should’ve said!” Vic’s voice is full of wonder and Robert has to breathe just once, twice, before answering. 

“Yeah, it slipped my mind…” he says. The eggs are frying in the pan and he absentmindedly moves the spatula, back turned to her. 

If he seemed off, she does not notice.

“Need to bring this up to Adam,” she says, holding up the last cup of tea. “He won’t get up unless he has a brew in him, not after last night.” 

Robert chuckles briefly but his smile falls as soon as she left the room. 

He isn’t ready. Aaron has been in town for a few days now, and Robert knows he is going to have to see him, but not yet. He still isn’t ready. A part of him knows he never will be.

Just as Robert set the plates on the table, Vic and Adam walk down the stairs. Adam looks a tad more worse for wear than Vic does, but he smiles at Robert nonetheless. 

“Thanks mate, this is brilliant!” he says. “This’ll cure my aching head.” 

Robert smiles. “That and a few painkillers.” 

Adam grins before digging in. 

Robert eats his food but he is too nervous to taste it—he wants to know everything about last night, everything that was said and what they were wearing and what they drank but instead he eats his breakfast in silence while Vic and Adam chat, waiting for snippets that might satisfy his curiosity and make it less painful. 

“I can’t believe those two last night, they are all over him!” Adam says between bites. 

“What, Finn and Ed?” Vic asks. “They were a bit full on.” 

Robert’s fork froze halfway to his mouth. “Finn, your cousin?” he asks. 

Adam nods. “You’d imagine they’d never seen a celeb before, and on top of that a gay one…” 

“Which do you think he liked more?” Vic asks. Robert stares between them, mouth dry. 

“I don’t know,” Adam says, “but I haven’t seen Finn smile like that since Nick… You can ask Aaron if you’d like. He’s on his way here.” 

_ He’s on his–  _ no, that can’t be true. The sound of Robert’s heart beating floods his senses; he hears it in his ears, feels it in his throat, his stomach. “What d’you mean?” 

Adam grins. “He just texted, he’s on his way here now. Messaged me this morning saying he’d want to go paintballing this afternoon. I said he could just come and pick me up, and we could go for a drive.” 

Robert sets his fork down as gently as his muscles allow, stares down at his clothes in concealed worry before glancing back up at the two of them. He barely manages to lift his cup to his lips and take a sip of luke-warm tea before there is a knock on the door, and he braces himself. 

Adam leaps up from his chair faster than Robert assumed he could, and just like that… 

“How are you walking, mate?” a voice sounds through the hallway. Vic gets up, walks over to the entrance as well. “‘Morning Vic,” it continues. 

Robert doesn’t get up, doesn’t turn around. He stares at his half-eaten food with a knot in his stomach. He hasn’t heard that voice in five years—he has heard it in interviews and talk shows but not like this, not in his home.

“Come in mate, come in. We can make you a cup of tea if you want?” Adam asks, and then he is there. Here. Right here. 

“Robert makes a mean fry up if you’re hungry.”

“No, I’m not, but thanks,” Aaron says. 

Their eyes meet, and it takes all of Robert’s willpower to hold his gaze. “Robert, you remember Aaron yeah?” Vic says. 

Robert clears his throat. “Yeah, course. Good to see you again, Aaron.” The name feels like lead in his mouth; heavy, sweet. Poisonous. 

“You too,” Aaron says but his eyes are cold. Aaron’s gaze doesn’t linger for a second longer than is required of him, but still Robert has to do everything he can to hold it. Finally, Aaron turns and looks at Adam, and Robert is free. “You get all your things?” 

“Yeah, give me a minute and I will,” Adam says, rushing up the stairs to grab his jacket.

“I’ll meet you outside, yeah?” Aaron yells. “Finn and Ed are meeting us there, I reckon it’ll be us against them.” 

“Can I come?” Vic says. “I’d love a chance to shoot at Adam.” 

Aaron grins at her. “Sure, sounds like fun.”

“I’ll be right out!” Adam yells from upstairs

“You don’t mind, do you Rob?”

Robert shakes his head and Vic grins. “Brilliant, I’ll get my things then.” 

Before Vic has run up the stairs, Aaron disappears out the front door and just like that, Robert is alone again. 

It’s over. They have seen each other. 

Robert takes a deep breath and tries not to commit every second to his memory, catalogue the ways in which Aaron has changed, the way five years and a professional sports career has broadened his shoulders, squared his jaw. He looks good; beard trimmed and framing his lips, his hair styled expertly, his clothes clearly chosen by someone else. Robert lets himself exhale. 

Aaron’s eyes are darker now, less friendly. His body language screamed discomfort, wanting to be anywhere else but in Robert’s kitchen. The five years have done little to curb his animosity towards Robert, not that he could blame him. 

Robert gets up before he can wallow in it. He swallows, looks around and picks up Adam’s empty plate.

He replies to emails, he takes phone calls, he researches new business ideas and uses his brain in any way that will keep his thoughts occupied. By the time Victoria returns, his inbox is empty and his eyes hurt from staring at his screen. 

“Have fun?” he asks. 

Vic’s smile grows. “It was brilliant. Aaron’s great as well. Can’t tell that he’s famous, he is so down-to-earth!” She glances at him and shakes her head. She eyes him as she takes off her jacket. “Were you two good mates when he was here? Five years ago I mean,” Victoria asks.

Robert glances at his fingers and then shrugs. “I don’t know, I guess not.” 

“He says you’ve changed a lot since the last time he saw you, like there’s something different about you. Sounded like he knew you well,” she says. “The way he said it wasn’t particularly nice though, if you ask me.” She shook her head, then smiles at him. “Oh well. Tea?” she asks. 

“No, thanks.” He stares out of the window. 

“He suggested we all go to dinner in the pub tomorrow evening. Sounds like it could be a lot of fun. Then you two can catch up, and he can see how great you are!”

It wouldn’t make a difference, Robert knows. There is nothing he can do to make Aaron see him differently—he has fucked up, and that is all there is to it. He looks up at Vic and her wishful smile. “Sure,” he managed, voice steady despite everything. “I’ll come.” 

The pub is packed the next night, but there are two tables that are pulled together with a small reservation sign sitting in the middle. 

“That must be us,” Vic says. 

Robert glances at Charity behind the bar to check, and sees her nod once. “It seems to be, yeah.” 

“I didn’t know the pub had a reservation sign,” Vic commented. “I guess being famous carries some clout, even with the local pub!” 

Robert grunted in acknowledgement and sat down. 

His stomach is heavy, it has been all day. His food has tasted bland, stale, dry in his mouth. He knows he will have to speak to Aaron, at least a little, but it makes his hands clammy to think of how he is just supposed to do that. Just supposed to exist in Aaron’s periphery. 

Chas comes out first with John, her husband. According to Vic, they had met a few years earlier while Chas was living in Hotton and working there, and he had a small farm on the other side of town. Chas is just as loud and exuberant as Robert remembers, and gives Vic a giant hug. When she sees Robert, she smiles: “Nice to meet you,” she says.

“Likewise,” he replies. 

“This is my husband, John.” 

John sticks his hand out and Robert shakes it. “Nice to meet you, Robert.” 

Then Adam turns up straight from the scrapyard with Aaron trailing behind him. 

Their eyes meet for a split second, green on striking blue, just long enough for Robert to see that Aaron still looks at him with anger. Robert looks away before he can dwell on it for too long. 

Adam gives Vic a kiss and Chas a quick hug before introducing himself to John. Robert watches Aaron hugs everyone else at the table before throwing a quick nod in Robert’s direction. Robert returns it. 

“You been up at the scrapyard?” Vic asks. 

Aaron nods. “I wanted to see what kind of business Adam has built.” 

Vic gleamed. “He couldn’t have done it without Robert you know, the partner behind it all. He invested in it and all, and still does some of the paperwork.” 

“Good on the both of them then,” he says, and does not mention it again. 

“Well come on, sit down.” Chas gestures to the tables and everyone takes a seat. 

At that moment, Ed and Finn walk in, and Chas beckons them over. 

Ed is a quiet, confident guy who occasionally helped out at Adam’s scrapyard and at Adam’s mother Moira’s farm. He studied something useless at university, where he met Finn, and moved to Emmerdale afterwards to save some money and spend time closer to family he has living close by. He is hot, even Robert can admit that, but the way he stares at Aaron makes that initial attraction evaporate. Finn is geeky and a lot of fun, but Robert knows he isn’t Aaron’s type. Robert greets them, and sees Aaron smile warmly at both of them.

They chat, they laugh, the drinks keep flowing, and soon enough the food arrives. The talk centers mainly around Aaron, his career and his experiences in the past five years. Robert knows most of it already, but can’t help but listen along as he tells the story of his first team, of being bought by the biggest team in France, of being the first openly gay rugby player in France and the struggles that came with it. There are definitely things that the press have exaggerated, and details Robert hasn’t heard before. 

“Why Lille?” Finn asks. 

Aaron shrugs. “It was an opportunity I couldn’t say no to,” he says. “I wasn’t sure at first but it was that or spend another few months trying to get picked up by a club here, so off I went. I wanted out of here,” Aaron says.

“And you only spent a few months there?” Ed asks. 

“Yeah, before I moved on to Paris. Got asked to join one of the bigger teams so I went off as soon as I got the call. Found a little flat with some of the other new team mates, had a laugh those first few months,” Aaron says. 

“Then the flat got a lot bigger,” Chas bragged. 

Aaron smiles. “A little, yeah. When they bumped me up to the first team, it came with a new paycheck as well.” 

“I never wanted you to go,” Chas says, “but I can’t deny that you seemed so settled there. When I last visited, you were so happy. Now if only you’d find yourself a bloke to settle down with.” 

Aaron rolls his eyes. “I wanted to go. Not like there was anything keeping me here.”

“No boyfriend left behind heartbroken?” Vic joked. Robert swallows. 

Aaron doesn’t flinch. “No, no one. I was completely free and glad to get away, to see the world.” Aaron doesn’t look at Robert directly as he speaks, but Robert can feel every syllable as a stab at him nonetheless.

“Well of course you did, love,” Chas says. “Young man like you should see the world while he can.”

“Sounds like you did just that,” Ed says. 

Aaron smiles at him. “Yeah, I did.” 

“So what now?” Finn asks.

Aaron shrugs. “Not sure. Trying to find something in the UK, stay a bit closer to my family.” He looks at his mother, eyes softening at her grin. “I can’t deny I’ve missed them.” 

She beams.

When Charity comes over with another round of drinks, Adam gets the wonderful idea to go out to a pub in town, or maybe even a club. Robert sighs internally at the thought, but Vic’s steady insistence is more than he can withstand and soon enough, Robert finds himself in a cab on his way to Hotton with Adam and Vic. 

The club is a gay bar, and Robert stands outside it while Vic and Adam wait for Aaron’s cab to arrive. He stares up at the name, flashing neon in pride-flag colours, and feels an ache in his chest that permeates his body. He swallows hard, and then stares at his feet.

He has walked past it many times in the past five years, staring at the doors and wondering if it has changed much since–. 

“Alright?” Vic asks. 

“Sure,” Robert says. 

“This place is a lot of fun,” Vic says. “You been in?” 

“No,” Robert says, quicker than he should. She raises an eyebrow at him. 

“You coming?” Aaron says, walking past them without looking at Robert or Vic, with Finn and Ed on his tail. 

Robert swallows and takes one step and then another, trying not to notice as his foot crosses the doorway and he is inside. 

It is packed. There is an impromptu dance-floor next to the bar, and the bar itself is lined with all the different pride-flags, a glaring celebration of what it is to love. It is a bar filled with happy faces, laughter, and incredible music. Robert should’ve loved it.

Robert enjoys dancing. He knows it isn’t his forté, even though he has boasted otherwise in the past. Everyone on the dancefloor seems to be having so much fun and Robert could be one of them, could let himself just enjoy this place, but there’s something stopping him. He turns and sees Aaron looking at him, and Robert can just about guess what is on his mind. 

“Drinks?” Finn suggests, and they all join him at the bar. 

Robert gets a gin and tonic and carries it over to the table Adam has managed to snag. 

“This is a tune!” Adam yells over the music. He grabs Vic by the hand and pulls her out to the dancefloor. 

Finn grins and Ed beckons Aaron to join them. “Robert, look after the table, will you?” Ed says.

Robert’s answer doesn’t matter—before he even has the chance to say yes, Finn drags Ed and Aaron to the dancefloor, leaving Robert to nurse his drink alone. 

Robert can’t watch. Instead, he slowly lifts his glass to his lips, takes a sip and then another, trying to look anywhere but at the sea of people enjoying themselves, at Aaron and the two men vying for his attention. He quietly finishes his drink and heads home, a strong certainty in his mind that he will not be missed.

It had started out as a walk, just Vic and Robert, a chance to talk about the family, about how Robert was coping with taking care of the remnants of the business, and now it has divulged into Adam joining with Ed and Finn, and they of course did not hesitate to bring Aaron along. An idea that started out as Robert getting some fresh air has turned into an event that will only make him more nervous.

At least the air is crisp, autumn making way for winter, and the grass has a faint sheen of frost which makes it almost glimmer in the morning sunlight. It is beautiful, and Robert can’t help but inhale deeply as he steps outside, face turned towards the sun. 

“This is a lovely morning,” Vic says, walking up next to Robert and slipping her arm through his, tying them together. 

Robert looks down at her and smiles. “Yeah, it is.” 

Adam walks out behind them and yells when he sees Aaron, disturbing the otherwise peaceful morning with his exuberance. Robert can’t help but roll his eyes. 

“You all ready?” Vic asks. 

Ed nods but Finn looks skeptical, pulling his gloves on and looking a little surly. 

“Let’s go then,” Aaron says, and starts walking. 

There is a slight crunch underneath their feet as they make their way across the bridge and out into an open field. Aaron walks ahead with Ed by his side, Finn is next to Adam, leaving Robert with Victoria, their arms intertwined. Robert watches as Aaron looks over at Ed, smiling, laughing as they walk. 

“So,” Vic starts, pulling him out of his reverie, “how is closing down the shop going?” 

Robert pulls his eyes away from Aaron to meet hers. “Dad left it in a bit of a state to be honest, so it isn’t an easy job. Have to make sure we scale down without any of our investors realising we’re in big trouble.” 

“What, they don’t know?” 

Robert shakes his head. “Dad’s kept it all a secret, said that renting out Home Farm was just to get a change of scenery. Not that I think most of our investors are fooled,” he admits. 

Vic sighs. “Have you heard from him? From Andy?” 

“Once or twice, but not really. Not a word about any investors either.” 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll hear something soon. They must be doing something,” Vic says. 

“Vic!” Adam yells, walking backwards to face her. “Come here, I need your opinion on something.” 

She smiles at Robert but acquiesces, leaving Robert’s arm bare. 

They continue forward just like this, Robert walking behind all of them and focussing on the fresh air, the birds singing, the sound of the wind rustling through wilting leaves. 

Robert’s eyes are so fixed on his surroundings he almost walks into Vic, Finn and Adam, all of whom have paused on their path. 

“I had no idea we were going this way,” Finn says, eyes staring at a house in the distance. 

“What?” Robert whispers to Vic but she shakes her head to make him stop. 

“Have you spoken to him lately?” Adam asks. 

Finn shrugs. “He messaged me saying he has my stuff at his place, and I can come and pick it up anytime but I haven’t been yet…” 

Vic puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. “We can go now, if you’d like?” 

Finn looks at her, then at Adam. “I couldn’t,” he says. 

Adam shakes his head. “Come on mate, you need to move on. We should just get it over with. It’ll be fine..” 

Finn swallows. 

“We’ll wait,” Robert says. By now, Aaron and Ed have noticed the sudden stop and are walking back. 

“You sure?” Finn asks. 

“Can you guys wait? We’ll come back when we’ve got your stuff.” Vic smiles at him, and puts her arm through Finn’s. 

“Come on, let’s go.” Vic pulls Finn along, Adam following suit, leaving Robert alone with Aaron and Ed. 

Ed looks around, spotting a small hill and pointing to it. “Want to go and look at the view from up there?” he asks Aaron. They go off together, and Robert finds a fallen tree that’s only mildly uncomfortable to sit on. 

His eyes follow Vic, Adam, and Finn’s progress down towards the house, watching as they go inside, and then he turns his eyes to look at a tree and the way it moves in the wind. He would be looking at his phone, but Vic had insisted he couldn’t bring it so he could focus on their conversation. The one they didn’t get to have. The irony is not lost on him. Instead, he stuffs his hands further into his pockets and waits. 

“... sometimes it is hard to believe I’ve been in Emmerdale for three years already.” Ed’s voice drifts down from the path. Robert turns his head incrementally, sees them walking down the hill from the corner of his eye, and takes a deep breath. 

“What, you want to leave?” Aaron asks. 

Ed doesn’t hesitate to answer: “I’d love to go abroad, see the world. I hope you know how lucky you are,” Ed says. “I don’t understand these people that can stay in one place forever. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to Moira for taking me in, but I want to see the world, you know?”

“Yeah, I do.” 

“Like, take Robert. He had a girl in town a few years ago, they were all over each other and then suddenly she left. Vic told me she wanted something serious, wanted him to come to London with her and he said no.” 

Robert feels guilty for hearing this; it’s a conversation not meant for his ears but, if he moves now, they’ll see him and they’ll know. Instead, he stares at the floor. 

“He didn’t want to go?” Aaron asks. Robert can almost hear a change in tone, a slight inflection, a weight to his words. 

“No, he stayed here instead. I mean, I would’ve said yes immediately,” Ed says. 

“Strong statement,” Aaron says. 

Robert sighs and keeps his eyes on the blowing leaves. 

It doesn’t take long for Finn to return with a small box of his things, Vic and Adam at his side. With a sad smile, Robert takes his place at the back of the group as they walk back to Emmerdale. 

Vic has a hand on Finn’s shoulder as they walk back across the fields. Robert walks behind, dragging his feet along—he can’t deny he is getting a bit tired. He stumbles over a large rock he hadn’t seen through the grass, wincing at the pain that shoots through his ankle. A brief touch of his hand to his ankle and some flexing tells him that he can walk, but with every step the pain returns, and he has to be careful.

The country road they walk down is narrow, narrow enough that they have to walk in single file all the way, Robert between Vic and Ed, eyes fixed on the road beneath him to ensure no further accidents occur. He is exhausted, mentally, more than anything else. Exhausted from trying to keep his feelings in check, from hiding them, from constantly trying to figure out what people think about him. The pain in his ankle has lessened but each step is planned, and he can tell he’s walking with a slight limp.

A car drives up behind them and they all shuffle closer to the hedge to let it pass. Instead, it stops beside them and a window rolls down.

“Hiya,” a voice says, and Robert turns around to see Chas’ head out of the window of the passenger’s seat.

“What’re you doing here?” Aaron asks.

“We’re driving back from that big furniture shop down the road, just got a tonne of new stuff for the bedroom,” she says. “Your family’s furniture is great and all, Robert, but we wanted something a little more… us.”

He lifts a hand to indicate indifference, and Chas smiles at him.

“You all been out walking?” she says.

“Started about two hours ago,” Vic replies.

“Two hours? You must be exhausted, the lot of you. The backseat is packed, so we’ve only got a spare spot for one,” she says.

“That’s alright,” Vic says. “I’m walking just fine.”

Everyone around him shakes their head at the offer, smiling. Robert looks around, feels the slight ache in his ankle but says nothing. Robert shakes his head too, not wanting to draw any attention to himself.

Aaron flashes him a look, eyes lingering a split second on Robert before he walks over to Chas and lowers his head for a chat. No more than a sentence or two is exchanged, but when he pulls away Chas’ eyes are fixed on Robert.

“Robert, almost looks like you’re walking badly. Why don’t you let us drive you home?” she asks.

Aaron must have noticed his gait was off. He must have seen it as he walked behind him, must care enough to make sure he won’t have to walk any further on a bad ankle. 

He cares.

The knowledge leaves Robert shocked, too shocked to protest when Aaron opens the door to the car and looks over at him. Robert shuffles closer, trying not to make it appear as if he is in any pain at all, and yet... Aaron places his hand on Robert’s elbow and guides him to the car door, keeping him steady as he gingerly climbs into the back seat.

“You hurt your ankle?” Vic asks.

“Yeah, just a bit sore,” Robert says, and Aaron briefly meets his eye again. “I tripped a while back.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks, slightly annoyed. “I’ll see you back at Keeper’s yeah? I’ll make us all a hot chocolate. Put some ice on it!”

Aaron looks at the car door, making sure nothing is in the way before he closes it. Robert looks back at the group as the car passes by them, and can’t help but notice that Aaron is looking back at him.

Aaron cares. They may never be able to be friends again, or even passing strangers, but the knowledge that Aaron still cares enough to be courteous almost hurts more than the total indifference Robert had previously seen. The small kindness only brings back old memories that Robert wants to keep buried. Memories of Aaron knowing him almost better than he knew himself, and of Robert being stupid enough to throw it away.

Vic’s hot chocolate slowly warms Robert’s frozen fingers. They are all sitting in the living room at Keeper’s, trying to get warm. His foot rests on the coffee table with an ice-pack covering his ankle, toes facing the small fire Vic has started in her fireplace. They are all sitting close, piled into eht little living room with surprising comfort and quiet contemplation.

Aaron’s phone buzzes, and when he picks it up, Robert notices a small smile. 

“Booty call?” Adam jokes. 

“Nah,” Aaron says. “A text from my mate Jackson. I played rugby with him in Lille. He injured his leg and had to stop playing, lives in Dublin now. Wants to hear if I’m going there for a photoshoot next weekend.” 

“Dublin?” Finn asks. “I’ve never been.” 

“I’ve heard it’s beautiful,” Vic says. 

“It is.” Aaron looks around, considering. “Want to come? I’ve got a sponsorship deal so they’re flying me out. I could get you all on the flight.” 

Vic is already grinning. “Really?”

“Yeah, you’d love it there.” 

Adam yells, “Yes mate, brilliant!”

“I’ve never even been outside of England,” Vic says, delight clear in her voice.

Aaron looks around at all of them, smiling. “I’ll sort it out and let you know the details, yeah?”

Robert looks up at Vic and sees she’s turned her grin at him. “You excited?” she asks him.

Would he even be included? Aaron may not detest him anymore, but Robert could not expect him to want to bring him along. Before Robert can answer, Adam asks “What, they’ll let you bring five people for a photo-shoot?”

Aaron grins. “There have to be some perks to fame,” he says.

Five people. That includes Robert.

He takes a deep breath and smiles at Vic in reply. “Yeah, sounds like fun.”

**_meeting_ **

_ Robert’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Finally, he thought, as he read the text from Cain with the information that his car was ready to be picked up. It had taken him long enough.  _

_ He walked out of the farm and down towards the village, heading straight to the garage. The wooden door stood ajar and Robert knocked on it twice, and waited for a response. Cain Dingle was not someone you angered. _

_ A huff sounded from within and Robert stuck his head in.  _

_ “I told you not to text me unless it was ready–” Robert said but stopped when he saw someone who definitely wasn’t Cain staring at him. His eyes were blue, bright blue and clearly annoyed.  _

_ “Who’re you?” he asked, voice low and slightly hoarse.  _

_ “Robert,” Robert replied. “Who are you?” _

_ The man walked towards him, hands stuffed into the pockets of his blue overalls. He rubbed his hands against his thighs in a futile attempt to get the grime off it before sticking them back in his pockets. “Aaron,” he said. “What’re you doing here?”  _

_ Robert rolled his eyes. “Not the smartest are we? Got a text saying my car’s done.”  _

_ Aaron’s eyebrows rose. “You must be the owner of the Audi R8.”  _

_ Robert smiled and nodded. “Has Cain had you working on it?” _

_ Aaron went back behind the counter, ignoring his question, and pulled out a set of keys. Robert followed him outside the garage and round the back. “Here you go,” he said, tossing Robert the key. “Payment?” _

_ “I’ve already settled that with Cain,” Robert said. Aaron nodded once before walking back towards the door. “Wait, who are you?” Robert asked again, curiosity taking hold.  _

_ “Aaron… Dingle,” was the reply. “Cain’s nephew.”  _

_ Robert met his eye and, with all traces of the annoyance and confusion from earlier gone, found himself not being able to look away. Something made Robert take note of his strong jaw, the way his stubble framed his mouth, the stubbornness in his eyes. It was a thrill Robert hadn’t felt in a while—one he hadn’t let himself feel in a while—but Robert couldn’t resist. He smiled at Aaron and said, with a voice no longer laced with discontent: “Nice meeting you, Aaron.” _

_ As Robert walked away, he couldn’t help but look over his shoulder. Aaron was watching. _

_ Work was a nightmare.  _

_ There was no one Robert wanted to work together with less than his brother, Andy. He wanted to work for his father in their company, but that didn’t mean that Andy was easy to deal with - judgemental, stuck up, moral Andy. Robert was tired, and all he wanted to do was have a pint and spend some time with the only member of his family that didn’t make him want to strangle someone. His footsteps took him to the pub, and he sat down at the counter.  _

_ “Pint please,” Robert said, staring at his hands. He took his phone out of his pocket and sent off a text to Vic letting her know he was here.  _

_ Whoever was behind the counter made a noise of acknowledgement and pulled a glass down from the shelf. The tap turned on and Robert’s eyes didn’t move from his phone, not until the pint was placed in front of him.  _

_ “That’ll be twenty quid,” said a low, hoarse voice.  _

_ “You what? It used to be three fifty–” Robert started but stopped when he looked up and met the man’s gaze.  _

_ Blue. That was the first thing he saw. Bright blue eyes framed by dark eyebrows, intelligent and sparkling. Hair slicked back by more than enough gel. A smug smile as he stared at Robert, shrugging.  _

_ “Aaron,” he said.  _

_ Aaron’s smile didn’t waver. “I figured you could afford it,” he said. “£3.50 then.”  _

_ Robert counted the coins in his hand and placed them on the counter. “Moonlighting in the pub? Aren’t you worried your boss will find out?” _

_ “Extended family owns the place, I’m just staying here for a few months.” Of course. Aaron was one of the many Dingles—not that there weren’t already enough of them - and Robert had been frequenting the establishment long enough that he figured he had met all of them. It made it a lot more interesting that Aaron was of the younger Dingle generation, though how young he wasn’t sure. _

_ “Off uni?” Robert asked. Aaron looked younger than him, an air of the unsettled and the promise of possibility radiating off him. _

_ Aaron shook his head. “Rugby season’s over and I’m between teams,” he said. “Staying here while I find the next place for me to play and get some money together.” _

_ Robert smiled and held Aaron’s gaze. “When did you get to Emmerdale then?”  _

_ Aaron bit his lip. “Few days ago. Staying upstairs.” _

_ Robert nodded. “Good to know,” he said, eyes suggestively looking down Aaron’s chest, and Aaron stared at him with interest in his eyes.  _

_ Footsteps from behind the bar proved to be Victoria, smiling. It made him smile just as much. She bounded out from behind the bar and gave him a big hug. “Didn’t think you could join me for dinner today,” she said.  _

_ “Car got fixed sooner than I expected so I drove back to and from Hotten myself,” Robert said. Over Vic’s shoulder his eyes met Aaron’s and he saw the corners of Aaron’s mouth lift in a smile. _

_ “Want me to make us some food?” Vic said.  _

_ “Sounds lovely, Vic. I’ll grab a table, yeah?”  _

_ She nodded and walked back towards the kitchen, stopping next to Aaron. “You met Aaron then?” she said, then looked between them. “This is my block-headed brother I was telling you about.”  _

_ Aaron’s eyebrows rose, and his eyes met Robert’s before he nodded. “I remember.” His lips were curled in an unmistakable smile. _

_ “You said only nice things, I hope?” Robert said and Aaron snorted. Robert couldn’t help but grin.  _

_ He picked up his beer and walked towards a free table, and once he sat down, looked up to find Aaron looking at him, head tilted to one side and arms folded over his chest. Holding his gaze, Robert took a sip of his beer and licked the foam off his top lip, and with the way Aaron was watching him, there was no doubt.  _

_ This was going to be fun.  _

_ Robert couldn’t help himself after that. Aaron was fit, gorgeous even, with just the right amount of snark and hard edges to make Robert want to see what he was like moaning by Robert’s hands. His broad shoulders were distracting, and Robert tried so hard to catch him on a break or around the village, not that it happened often. Which made Aaron annoyingly difficult to flirt with.  _

_ Robert was sitting in the pub, enjoying a pint and a curry for lunch and hoping to have a shot at making Aaron blush again. _

_ “You here for lunch again?” Robert was broken out of his reverie and looked up to see Andy staring at him, arms crossed over his chest. “Thought Dad was paying you to get work done, not just sit around and get pissed.”  _

_ Robert groaned. “Has Dad sent you here to check up on me? That unimportant, are you?”  _

_ Andy let out a sigh. “I’m here on business, got a meeting with a potential client and Dad asked me to get Charity to let us reserve a booth..” _

_ “Potential client… I wasn’t informed.” Robert took another bite, speaking with his mouth full. “Besides, they don’t allow reservations here.” _

_ Andy smirked and it made Robert’s blood boil. “Not surprised Dad didn’t tell you, what with you sitting here in the middle of the day and all,” he said. At that moment, Charity came out from behind the bar and waved at Andy. “See you later, Rob.”  _

_ Robert stared at him as he walked past the bar, seething. He scoffed down his food, left money on the table and left.  _

_ He walked any which way, not minding the direction or the destination. Andy was having a meeting with a potential client… Why wasn’t Robert informed? He knew his father had a preference but keeping him out of the business was unfair, unreasonable. It stung more than Robert would care to admit but Andy already knew that and wasn’t afraid to use it to his advantage. If only Robert had said– _

_ “Watch it!” someone said as Robert rounded the corner to the cricket pavillion. Robert reacted in time to hold out his hands, keeping the runner at bay and when he looped up he saw he now had his hands on Aaron’s bicep. _

_ “Aaron,” Robert said. He was sweaty, wearing jogging clothes, with disheveled hair.  _

_ Aaron’s eyes softened a little. “Robert,” he said.  _

_ “Sorry, I was just–” Robert started but Aaron waved a hand in dismissal. Robert removed his hand from Aaron’s bicep, but wanted to sear the memory of all that muscle underneath into his mind. _

_ Aaron plucked his earphones out of and smiled a little. “Preoccupied?” _

_ “Work stuff,” he said.  _

_ “Watch out next time, yeah?” Aaron said.  _

_ Robert watched as Aaron started fiddling with the cord again, and couldn’t help himself. He turned on his charm, gave Aaron a toothy grin and let his eyes linger on Aaron’s upper body. “You run often?”  _

_ Aaron nodded. “Need to keep fit if I want to get on a rugby team.”  _

_“You definitely do,” Robert agreed._ _They held each other’s gaze for a moment longer before Robert asked: “Are you working at the pub later?”_

_ “Maybe. Why?” _

_ Robert shrugged and let his eyes drink in the sight of Aaron in sweaty clothes, a tight jumper and a red flush to his face. “Figure a runner like you has got to eat,” he said.  _

_ Aaron blushed slightly. “Come by and we’ll see if I’m free.”  _

_ “See you later,” Robert said, eyes following him as he walked away a bit _

_ “See you.” Aaron replied, and then he turned around and continued on his run.  _

_ Aaron wasn’t going to be in Emmerdale for long, and Robert might as well do something about it while he could. A bit of fun couldn’t hurt. _

_ Robert walked into the pub knowing he looked good—really good. His hair was sitting just right—messy, but deliberately so. His jumper brought out the green in his eyes. The leather jacket drew attention to his broad shoulders. Robert was many things, and aware of his own good looks was one of them.  _

_ He locked eyes with Aaron quickly—he was behind the bar, serving a pint to Doug when he spotted Robert and his eyes trailed up and down his body. Robert laughed when he saw the pint starting to overflow.  _

_ “I think that’s enough there, lad,” Doug said.  _

_ “Yeah, sorry.” Aaron handed Doug the pint. “Here you go.” Doug nodded in thanks and Aaron took the money he was handed. _

_ Robert took a spot at the end of the bar, leaning against it and waiting for Aaron to come and find him.  _

_ It didn’t take long.  _

_ “Fancy seeing you here,” Aaron said.  _

_ Robert smiled. “Likewise.”  _

_ “Wanted to get some food or?” Aaron asked. Their gazes lingered, and it made Robert’s heart beat just that much faster. _

_ “I’ll find a table,” Robert said.  _

_ It wasn’t long before Robert was sitting in front of Aaron, each of them with a pint.  _

_ “So, Robert.” Aaron eyed him wistfully. “What do you do?” _

_ “That’s your line?” Robert asked.  _

_ Aaron smiled. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just curious.”  _

_ Robert nodded. “I work for my father’s company. Right now we live in Butler’s but he’s looking to buy Home Farm and set it up as the main office of his company.”  _

_ “And what does this company do?” Aaron asked.  _

_ “Sell farming solutions to local farms. Started in Emmerdale and now we’re trying to expand across the North and hopefully, the entire UK.” _

_ Aaron raised his eyebrows. “Ambitious.”  _

_ “I am an ambitious person,” Robert said. “What about you, looking for local teams to join?” _

_ Aaron smiled a little and nodded. “There’s one in Leeds that I’m trying out for but the proper ones are in the bigger cities: Manchester, London…” Aaron trailed off. It was clear where Aaron wanted to go, his ambitions were obvious. Aaron’s temporary status made it all the more appealing for Robert; he was good at this, temporary distraction from the world around him.  _

_ “I hope you manage to -” he said but was cut off by his father’s voice behind him.  _

_ “Robert.” _

_ Robert felt his smile drop along with his stomach. He leaned away from Aaron, took his hand off his pint. “Dad,” he said as he turned to meet his father’s gaze. _

_ Jack Sugden was an imposing man with a stern expression no matter what was happening. He was almost always scowling, and today was no exception.  _

_ “Thought you would be preparing for tomorrow,” he said.  _

_ Robert looked over at Aaron and found him eyeing the two of them with interest. Robert cleared his throat. “Nothing wrong with having some food,” Robert replied.  _

_ Jack shook his head. “I need you to be ready with your business proposal at 8 o’clock tomorrow,” he said. “We have clients coming in at 8:30 and I don’t want you to needlessly waste time.”  _

_ Robert’s mouth was dry. _

_ The meeting was supposed to be later in the afternoon, he was supposed to have more time to prepare. Suggesting that Jack Sugden invested some of his money into Robert’s business idea required proper preparation on Robert’s part.  _

_ Jack gave the two of them a stern nod before turning around and walking out of the pub.  _

_ Robert turned in his chair to face Aaron.  _

_ “That was,” Aaron started.  _

_ “My dad, yeah.”  _

_ Aaron let out a sigh. “You alright?” _

_ Robert shot him a look, and didn’t know what to say. There was too much history to explain now, to dish out when they weren’t even… hadn’t even started anything, really. Robert faked a smile. “Yeah,” he said. He took a sip of his pint, but it soured in his mouth as Jack’s words rang in his mind. “I, erh…” _

_ Aaron leaned back in his chair. “You need to take off?” _

_ Robert looked at his watch and sighed. “I think so, yeah.”  _

_ Aaron nodded once, annoyance clear.  _

_ “I’ll call you,” Robert said.  _

_ Aaron softened slighty. “I’ll see you around,” he said.  _

_ Robert got up and left, shooting a glance at Aaron over his shoulder as he exited the pub. _

_ He walked back to Home Farm, gravel crunching under his foot, and felt a knot tightening in his stomach.  _

_ Aaron’s smile lingered in his mind—there was something so pleasant about being with Aaron, like sinking into a hot bath; he could relax in a way he hadn’t been able to in a long time. With every step back to Home Farm leading him away from Aaron, he felt his muscles tense back up.  _

_ His father was waiting for him in the hallway, a folder in his hands.  _

_ “Who’s your new friend?” Jack asked without preamble.  _

_ “Aaron,” Robert replied. “Why?” _

_ Jack flipped through the folder and looked at the page with great interest. With another step towards him, Robert could see what he was reading—Robert’s numbers. _

_ “Those aren’t ready–” Robert started, but Jack stopped him with a glance.  _

_ “This isn’t bad,” Jack said. “Your numbers are good, your proposed budget is good. This might be something.”  _

_ Robert swallowed. Jack handed him the folder but did not move.  _

_ “I’ll invest in it,” Jack said.  _

_ Robert’s mouth dropped open. “You’ll invest?” _

_ Jack nodded. “I’ll invest. You’ve been working for me for a few years now, and I think you’re ready.”  _

_ Robert looked down at the folder in his hand and felt a swell of emotion. “What about the presentation tomorrow?”  _

_ Jack shrugged. “Not necessary. I’d rather you help prepare for the clients coming in. However,” Jack started, putting his hands in his pockets as he fixed Robert with a stern look. “I don’t like the Dingles, and especially not that Aaron lad. Stay away from them.”  _

_ Robert’s brow furrowed. “Why?”  _

_ Jack sighed. “That’s none of your concern. Just, stay away from them.”  _

_ Robert nodded once, crestfallen.  _

**DUBLIN**

Dublin is really beautiful.

Robert cannot believe he has not managed to go before; there is a stunning Medieval quarter, a harbour, lots of Gothic architecture and small parks here and there keeping the place a bit green. It isn’t warm but the autumn hues more than make up for it, and the grey weather is contrasted by the dying leaves and fading summer. If he is to be spending a weekend with Aaron and Ed, at least he can admire the beauty of his surroundings.

They spend the first afternoon there walking around the town after dropping off their bags at the hotel. Robert can’t help but take a few pictures of some of the older buildings, and even one or two of Vic grinning or hugging Adam. It’s nice, pleasant even, more pleasant than he expected. After a few hours of walking they stop for food at a small pub where they all meet Jackson. He’s nice, though a bit surly, and they end up having a few beers too many before they head back to the hotel. 

“Meet you all down in the restaurant for breakfast tomorrow morning?” Aaron asks as they all siphon off into their rooms.

“Sounds good, mate.” Adam says. Vic is sorting the key to their room and only nods in agreement.

“I have the shoot tomorrow at 11 but I’ll bring you all along,” he promises.

Finn and Ed agree and open the door to their room, leaving Robert and Aaron in the hallway together, alone. They haven’t been alone since Aaron got back to Emmerdale, not a single moment alone in five years. Robert swallows, eyes flitting between Aaron’s face and the floor but wthout a word, Aaron lets himself into his single room and shuts the door behind him. Robert lets out a shaky breath before he spots his room number on a sign pointing down the corridor and makes his way there, almost bumping into a tall brunette. 

“Oh, sorry.” Robert moves his suitcase and she smiles. Her eyes are striking, blue and icy, and crinkled at the edges.

“Not a problem, I should pay more attention,” she says, and Robert can’t help but smile back. She is quite beautiful, with high cheekbones and a perfectly messy braid, her dark suit hugging her body. 

They walk past each other but Robert can’t help but look back, and their eyes meet again. 

It’s an ego boost Robert sorely needs. 

Aaron’s photoshoot is an experience to witness; there are several people hired just to make him look good, something at which they are very successful, and even a single person with the sole responsibility of keeping his hair curly throughout. Aaron’s modelling a bunch of different sportswear looks, and Robert has to force himself not to stare at least once or twice. 

Jackson walks in, and Aaron’s face immediately lights up. 

“How are you feeling?” Aaron exclaims, pausing the shoot to go and say hello. 

“Alright,” Jackson says, but there’s something behind it that makes Robert take note. Jackson looks around and spots all of them standing at the fringes. “You brought your entourage?”

Aaron grins. “Why not,” he says. “This’ll only be a few more minutes and then we’re going out for lunch.”

Aaron makes his way back to the photographers, and Jackson walks over to stand with Vic, Adam, and Robert. 

“Bit of a flex, isn’t it.” Jackson indicates towards their surroundings; the press, the photographers, the make up artists, and Adam nods. 

“I think there’s someone here Aaron wants to impress,” Adam says. 

Jackson raises an eyebrow and looks around, pausing as he spots Ed lurking on the edges of the green screen, eyes fixed on Aaron. 

“Ah,” Jackson says. “That explains a lot.” 

Vic and Adam share a knowing smile and Robert feels his insides churn. 

“So, what are you doing the remaining time you’re here?” Jackson asks. 

“Tonight we’re going out, and tomorrow we’ll be recovering,” Vic says. 

“Going out?” Jackson asks. 

“Aaron says he’s got big plans,” Adam replies. 

“Yeah, he mentioned.” Jackson looks out over the crowd and Robert sees his face fall. 

Vic and Adam walk away to chat to Finn, and Robert walks over to the catering. Jackson follows, and Robert clears his throat.

“I guess you’ve done many of these.” 

Jackson shrugs. “A few. Less since I got injured and had to leave rugby behind.” 

“You met Aaron in Lille, yeah?” 

“You’ve got a good memory,” Jackson says. “Yeah, we played together in Lille, even transferred to Paris together. Then I bunged my knee and came here.” 

“What do you do now?” 

Jackson smiles. “I still do the odd shoot, like this one, but I mostly work behind the scenes now. Got a club I train here in Dublin…” his voice trails off. “It was where I met my partner, Martin.” 

Robert’s stomach drops. It is so casually spoken without shame, an admission made so easily it makes Robert nervous. He could never, even though he so desperately wants to.

“You and Martin still together?” Robert asks.

Jackson’s smile becomes strained. “No, actually. Martin passed away 11 months ago.” His eyes have lost their sparkle, their joy. “Cancer,” he says. 

“I’m sorry to hear it,” Robert says. 

Jackson lets out a shaky breath, taking a second to compose himself before he continues. “I think I’m over it and then it hits me just as hard,” he says. 

“Loss like that… it sits with you for a long time.” 

Jackson eyes him. “You lost someone?” 

Robert smiles sadly. “Not quite the same but, I had a relationship that fell apart a few years ago… we really loved each other, you know? Losing that - you don’t forget it.” 

Jackson shakes his head. “How have you coped?” 

Robert lets out a laugh. “Not sure, really. Burying it, working so hard I can fall asleep at the end of the day, alcohol, sleeping around… don’t know if any of it counts as coping, but it took my mind off it.” 

“I had to stop drinking or I’d drown in it,” Jackson says. 

Robert remembers all the times he was so drunk he couldn’t remember how he got home, or who with. All the times he sat alone by a computer until the words blurred together and he fell asleep, head on the desk. “I almost did,” he says. 

Jackson looks like he’s about to say something but a PA comes over, touching his arm to get his attention. 

“Jackson Walsh, you’re up next.” 

Jackson puts a hand on Robert’s shoulder. “I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” 

It is the first time Robert has ever been able to speak so openly to someone, anyone, about what he’d lost. The knot in his stomach loosens a little, feels less all-consuming. Robert looks at Jackson and smiles. “Yeah, you will.”

They leave the photoshoot not long after, Ed trailing after Aaron like some love-sick puppy. With each second that passes, however, Robert processes the very likely future of Aaron and Ed together, and with each passing second hopes it will get easier to stomach. 

Vic and Adam are having a drink at the bar when Robert meets them a few hours later for their night out.

“You know where we are going?” Adam asks. 

Robert shakes his head. “I guess Aaron and Jackson have it all planned out, some big surprise.” 

Vic orders him a pint at the hotel bar and he joins them at their small table. 

“Right, cab’ll be here in about 10 minutes,” Aaron says. “Jackson is meeting us there.” 

Finn and Ed come down a few minutes later, and Robert hates how good Ed looks. Ed and Aaron are sharing a private joke, eyes meeting across the table, and Robert takes a breath and another sip of beer, preparing himself for a night of small stings. 

A woman walks past them, eyes meeting Robert’s as she does. It’s the same woman Robert bumped into the day before; dark brown hair, a sharp jaw, intelligent eyes. Robert smiles back at her, and she walks over to a restaurant desk.

“Chrissie White, I’m meeting a client for dinner,” they hear her say. Vic’s eyes go wide, staring at Robert.

“Is that who I think it is?” she says.

“Who?” Finn asks.

“White, that is definitely the guy Dad is trying to go into business with. That’s why he’s in Manchester,” she says. “Isn’t it Robert?”

Robert nods.

“That must be his daughter, I know Andy mentioned her once or twice…”

“Have you met her?” Ed asks, eyes on Robert.

“Just bumped into her yesterday in the hall,” Robert says. “I had no idea who she was.”

“She seemed to be interested in you mate,” Adam says. “She can’t stop looking at you.” 

He’s right. Chrissie is looking over her shoulder and smiling at him rather shamelessly, dark eyes fixed on his. Robert nods in her direction but turns his attention back to the group.

“Cold, man.” Adam jokes, punching him lightly on the shoulder. Robert feigns interest but when he looks around he finds Aaron staring at him. As soon as he catches him, Aaron’s gaze moves, eyes intently looking elsewhere, and Robert almost doesn’t know if it happened.

They leave before Chrissie’s meeting ends, but Robert feels the familiar thrill of attraction humming through his body as she looks his way while he puts on his jacket. It is little consolation for the numb feeling that has engulfed him for the past month. 

They all pile into the cabs Aaron has ordered. The bar isn’t too far away and as soon as they get out, Adam makes an excited yell. 

“Yes, mate! The Sound House, isn’t some proper band playing tonight and all?” 

Aaron grins at him. “Yes, exactly.” He lets the paparazzi take a few pictures of him for the tabloids, and Adam’s happy to join in, grinning like it’s the best night of his life. Finn and Ed share an excited look. 

“Fixity and Percolator,” Aaron says when he gets back to them, and Ed looks even more excited. 

He gets them in to the VIP area where Jackson is waiting, smiling. There’s a bottle of vodka on the table with an assortment of mixers, and Jackson’s holding a beer in his hand. “Not bad, this,” he says. 

Aaron gives him a hug and grins. “Not bad at all.” 

Robert looks around, taking it in. They have a small sofa next to them and there are security people standing by their booth making sure no one crowds their area. They’ve even got a small view of the dancefloor below, and Robert walks over to the railing to look down.

“You excited for this?” Jackson stands behind him, immaculately dressed and hair styled to perfection. 

“Should be good,” Robert says. He hopes that the lack of enthusiasm doesn’t come across, but Jackson smiles at him. 

“But it isn’t your thing?” 

Robert shrugs, smiling. “Not really. I love the music but the venue is a bit…” 

“Packed?” Jackson asks. 

It really is. The floor beneath them is just a sea of people milling around, random movements and loud chatter that rises to their ears. 

“Not a fan of all these people,” Robert says. 

“Why not?” Jackson asks. 

“I guess… I always end up feeling more lonely with so many people around me.” 

Jackson nods. “I get that,” he says, and something in his voice makes Robert actually believe him. “After Martin died, I felt like everyone around me was behind a glass wall. I couldn’t talk to anyone, get through to anyone. Pain isolates.” Jackson looks at him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Robert looks out over all the people and takes a breath.  _ It really does. _

The concert is excellent, and afterwards a DJ takes over the stage to keep people dancing. Robert spies Ed pulling Aaron down a small spiral staircase to the dancefloor below, heart aching at the sight of Aaron smiling at Ed so openly. 

Vic and Adam are standing together, laughing. Finn is chatting to Jackson. Robert looks around, feels the music reverberate through his chest but it no longer sounds pleasant in his ears. He walks over to grab a drink when he hears a high-pitched scream from downstairs. 

He runs down, looking around frantically, the fear in his chest solely focussed on -- Aaron is fighting against a guy holding him back as someone runs away and Robert looks down on the ground to see Ed. He is face down on the floor next to the bar, eyes rolled back and body limp.

“What’s happened?” Robert asks but the music is too loud for those around them to respond.

Robert shoves his drink into the hands of a bystander and rushes over. Ed has a pulse but when Robert tries to get him to wake up, the only response he gets is a small grunt before Ed loses consciousness. There’s a bruise on his cheek but it can’t just be that. 

“Why is he like that?” Aaron yells. He must have gotten free of whoever was holding him back and is standing next to Robert, frozen in shock.

Robert moves his hand to the back of Ed’s head, and his fingers come away bloody. 

“He must have knocked his head on something as he fell down, the bar maybe?” Robert looks up to see blood staining the side of the bar.

The music stops abruptly. Vic and Adam have rushed over with Finn, who is in tears. “We need to move him,” Vic says. 

“No!” Robert yells, “He might have broken something, we need to keep him like this.” 

Robert gets up and finds Jackson staring at them, eyes wide. “Call an ambulance, now.” 

Security is moving people out of the way, leaving Robert and the others surrounding Ed, who still hasn’t showed signs of life beyond the steady rise and fall of his chest. 

“Aaron,” Robert says but Aaron’s too shocked to hear. “Aaron!” 

That breaks him out of his panic and his eyes find Robert’s. His breathing is shallow and his eyes are wide. “You need to make sure someone calls the police,” Robert says, voice calm. He looks around and spots a security guard with a phone in his hand, pointing him out to Aaron. “Him, go to him and get him to contact the police. The attackers can’t be far away and if they get here soon enough, they might be able to speak to other witnesses.”

Aaron nods once, eyes fixed on the security guard in question. 

The police and emergency services arrive. Ed is wheeled off with Adam and Vic in the back of the ambulance and Robert stays with Aaron and Finn who speak to the police. As soon as they can get away, Robert hails them a cab and they follow them to the hospital.

Aaron’s leaning over Ed’s bed, hands clasped at the edge mere inches from Ed’s. Robert stares at them, breathing deeply. Aaron is distraught. He looks like he hasn’t slept since Ed was admitted the night before, and he is still wearing the same clothes. Ed’s asleep and under observation, with doctors and nurses walking in every half hour to wake him up and check up on him. 

Vic and Adam walk into the room, a small bag in hand, and Aaron nods in their direction. Robert takes a breath before following. 

“Thanks for bringing this,” Aaron says. “How’s Finn?”

“Worried,” Vic says. “How are you?” 

Aaron shrugs. “You still going back?”

Vic nods. “I was thinking that Adam should stay, keep you company?”

Aaron smiles as Adam places a hand on his shoulder. “I’d appreciate that.” 

“Robert and I will take Finn back and let Moira know what’s happened,” Vic says. She looks at Robert and says: “Then you can head to Manchester on Wednesday, like you planned.” 

Only then does Aaron spot Robert, eyes softening a little when he looks at him. “Thank you,” he says.

Robert clears his throat, at once struck by the intimacy of the gesture and who Aaron’s concern is really aimed at. “For what?” 

“Being quick, knowing what to do.”

Robert looks at him, and it makes his heart ache to see him in pain. “You’re welcome,” he says. 

With that, Aaron gives him a small smile, a real smile, and sits back down.

The air is stifling, the situation too difficult for Robert to think straight. All they can do is wait for news, and Robert can’t do that from Ed’s sickbed. After a few minutes, Robert excuses himself and heads out of the room.

**_falling_ **

_ The drive from Hotton back to Emmerdale along the winding country lanes were quite beautiful, especially at that time of year. The leaves were turning yellow, on their way to the final dark brown, and the autumn sun was golden on the grass. Robert usually loved driving this way back from Hotton, but he couldn’t focus on anything in particular, nothing except... _

_ He had slept with men before, and he had enjoyed it, but there was something in the way Jack had looked at him that made fear rear its head again. Jack had found out when Robert was younger and the beating Robert had gotten -- no, Jack couldn’t know, ever. Robert was bold enough to sleep with whomever he wanted but if it got out… Robert didn’t want to think about the consequences. _

_ Robert hadn’t called Aaron, or sent him a text, or talked to him in the pub. It had been over a week, but whenever he had considered reaching out, his thumb would hover over Aaron’s number for minutes at a time but he never could get himself to do more. _

_ There was something about the way Jack had spoken about Aaron that made Robert’s stomach tie itself in knots. Robert had done everything to not have Jack find out about his proclivities, but if just talking to Aaron had made it obvious, then Robert needed to stay away, no matter how much he wanted Aaron.  _

_ He glanced at the clock on his dashboard and wondered whether he could get back in time to catch Vic, when he felt the car slow down despite his foot being heavy on the gas. It was no use, the battery was failing, and Robert quickly pulled over at the nearest layby. _

_ “Vic?” he asked once he got a hold of her. “Do you have a number for the garage?”  _

_ “Why?” she asked.  _

_ “My car’s broken down and I need someone to come out and fix it. I think I know what’s wrong with it, I just need the tools and stuff,” he sighed. “I don’t know why I never saved the number on my phone and they don’t exactly have a website…”  _

_ “Why don’t you call your breakdown service?” she asked. A valid question.  _

_ “I don’t have breakdown coverage,” he replied, knowing how ridiculous that was.  _

_ “Why not? Didn’t you just get it fixed?” she asked.  _

_ “He couldn’t have spotted it,” Robert said. “Do you have it or not?” _

_ He heard clicking sounds and then her voice came back. “Just sent you a text, I hope it isn’t serious!”  _

_ Robert thanked her and hung up, before pulling up the number and calling.  _

_ It didn’t take long before Robert heard a car driving down the deserted country lane. He leaned against the bonnet of his audi, hands in the pockets of his jeans, watching the tow-truck as it pulled up. Who jumped out of it, however, was not what he expected. _

_ “What’s wrong with it?” Aaron asked, eyes searching the car for any obvious signs of damage.  _

_ “I think it’s the battery, probably needs replacing or something,” he said.  _

_ Aaron raised an eyebrow. “You’re a mechanic now?” he asked.  _

_ Robert shrugged. “Used to be. Worked in Cain’s garage when I was younger.”  _

_ Aaron nodded. “Pop the boot then, I’ll have a look.”  _

_ Aaron leant forward, giving Robert an all-too-good view of him as he stood over the motor. A brief inspection was all that was needed for Aaron to confirm what Robert had suspected, and Aaron shrugged.  _

_ “Couldn’t have caught it the other day, this is the sort of thing you only catch after it happens,” Aaron said.  _

_ Robert smiled sympathetically. “I know, don’t worry.” _

_ Aaron shared his smile. “What were you doing out here?” Aaron asked.  _

_ “On my way home from a meeting in Hotton. Dad sent me to meet with a guy who could help us get access to the market in Yorkshire.”  _

_ Robert watched him as he got into the truck and reversed it closer to Robert’s car, positioning it so he could get it towed back to Emmerdale. When Aaron bent over again to get the hook to pull Robert’s car onto the truck, Robert’s eyes couldn’t help but fall to his arse. It was enough to make any man desperate, and Robert couldn’t help but fall into old habits. _

_ “Was hoping to catch you on your own,” Robert said, voice laced with intention.  _

_ Aaron got up and met his eyes, expression hard. “Were you now,” he said.  _

_ Robert nodded. “Not that I planned this or anything,” he said, letting out a little laugh that Aaron did not share.  _

_ “That would be mental,” Aaron agreed.  _

_ Robert took a step closer, gaze falling from Aaron’s eyes to his lips, and back again.  _

_ “You haven’t been around much,” Aaron said, and the edge to his voice was gone. _

_ Robert swallowed hard. “I’ve been busy,” Robert said and Aaron rolled his eyes. _

_ “Cold feet?” he asked and then he took a step closer. “You’ve been flirting with me ever since I got here,” Aaron said.  _

_ Robert swallowed, taking a step back. “I have,” he said. “I want you,” Robert continued almost at a whisper, his words disappearing into the breeze as quickly as they were spoken.  _

_ Aaron said nothing, just kept holding Robert’s gaze, waiting. His eyes were dark, his beard perfectly trimmed and Robert clenched his fist, wishing one side of him would win. _

_ “Fine,” Aaron said, “I’ll see you around.”  _

_ And then Aaron was turning away, walking towards the car and finally, Robert’s body won over his mind. _

_ Robert’s hand surged forward, grabbed Aaron by the shoulder and turned him around to face him. He barely managed to register the surprise on Aaron’s face before he placed a hand on either side of it, pulling Aaron’s face towards his and kissing him. It was a rough press of Robert’s lips to Aaron’s, a sudden answer to Aaron’s patient question, and Robert felt Aaron’s hands move up to his shoulders, gripping his leather jacket and holding on. _

_ They parted briefly but Robert pulled him back in, taking his bottom lip between his own, desperately wanting, needing. Aaron gave back as good as he got, pulling Robert in by his shoulders and pressing against him until he started pushing Robert backwards and soon enough, Robert felt the hard side of the tow-truck against his back.  _

_ Aaron pulled away from him quickly to pull the car door open, and then his lips were back on Robert’s, desperation humming between them. Robert felt light headed, and when Aaron’s hands moved to the lapels of his jacket, pulling them down over his shoulders, Robert let him.  _

_ The leather on the seat was cold against Robert’s back but he didn’t notice with Aaron’s hands on his chest, fingertips digging into his skin, and Aaron’s lips on his neck, biting and kissing and making Robert throw his head back in pure bliss. Robert was surprised they had been able to do as much as they did in such a small space. _

_ The sun was considerably lower in the sky, light a golden yellow that dusted every leaf when Robert leaned against Aaron. They were both breathing heavily, and Robert’s legs were weak. The door to the truck was pulled closed, and their trousers were lying next to them on the seat, jumpers and briefs pulled back on to hide from the autumn breeze, and Robert was trailing his fingers along the muscles on Aaron’s thigh.  _

_ “Been wanting to do that for a while too,” Robert said.  _

_ “Really?” Aaron asked, voice laced with sarcasm. Aaron kissed him on his neck, and Robert leaned into his warmth. “Hadn’t noticed,” he said, lips still against Robert’s skin and Robert shivered. That had been exactly what he needed, and Aaron’s lips against his skin was making him wish he had more hours alone with him. Robert froze.  _

_ “What about drinks later?” Aaron asked as Robert tugged on his trousers. _

_ “Drinks?” Robert countered. _

_ “Yeah, we could go out for a drink,” Aaron said.  _

_ Robert zipped them up and sighed. “I don’t think so, this isn’t something serious.” _

_ Aaron pulled his jumper on, zipped it up, his lightheartedness from before gone. _

_ “We should probably get your car back to the village,” Aaron said, how voice hard. “I might be able to get Cain another battery for ya today if we get back before 5 pm.” _

_ Robert sauntered back to Home Farm on foot; his body was relaxed, sated. He looked forward to a shower and a meal before getting some work done, and it was all Robert could do to keep from smiling. It had been a good day.  _

_ He opened the ornate door to Home Farm and tried to walk in as quietly as possible, not wanting to chat to anyone before he had had a shower. Unfortunately that wasn’t to be the case.  _

_ “Robert?” Jack’s voice rang from the kitchen. “Are you just getting home now?”  _

_ Robert sighed. “Car broke down on my way back from Hotten.”  _

_ “We’ve got good news,” Jack said. Robert doubted it, but knew Jack would be displeased if he didn’t want to know what it was.  _

_ Robert walked in to the kitchen to find Andy and Jack with a glass of champagne in their hands. “What’re we celebrating?”  _

_ “You look awful, you need a shower,” Jack said before he handed Robert a glass of champagne and smiled. “Andy here has just landed a large client that is going to pay us a lot of money to revamp his agricultural practices.”  _

_ Robert froze. “Andy?” Robert glared at his brother, who was smiling all the more widely for Robert’s displeasure.  _

_ “He just signed the paperwork at the pub,” Andy said.  _

_ “So this was the meeting you were talking about?” Robert asked. “Why was I not involved?”  _

_ Jack waved his hand dismissively. “You’ve got the business knowledge but Andy here,” he clapped Andy on the shoulder as he spoke, “he knows farming, and farmers, better than you. This was the better choice for the company.”  _

_ Robert took a sip of champagne and didn’t stop until the glass was empty. What he did didn’t matter, what he contributed was never enough, never important.  _

_ He glowered at his father who was oblivious to Robert’s pain, and then at Andy who loved it.  _

_ “Congratulations,” Robert said, putting the glass back on the table. “You’re right, I need a shower.” _

_ He walked upstairs, fists clenched and jaw tense. He set the water to scalding before he fished his phone out of his pocket. Aaron picked up after a few rings.  _

_ “What do you want?” Aaron asked.  _

_ “Drinks, tomorrow. 8 pm?” Robert asked.  _

_ There was a pause and Robert waited, staring at himself in the mirror. He looked like a mess. His hair was disheveled and the glass of champagne had resulted in flush on his cheeks.  _

_ “Alright,” Aaron said finally. “Where?” _

_ “I don’t know, somewhere in Hotten.”  _

_ “I’ll drive us,” Aaron said, and hung up. _

_ 8 pm came slowly, time moving at an unforgivable pace, Robert looking at his watch throughout the afternoon so he could know exactly how far off it was. He needed to get away, needed a break from his blind father and idiot brother and it could only happen too slowly.  _

_ “You going out tonight?” Jack asked as they ate.  _

_ Robert nodded. Jack didn’t say anything in reply, but Robert could feel his eyes on him until he closed the door to Home Farm at 7:45 and walked to the pub. Aaron was waiting outside and as their eyes met, Aaron smiled a little and Robert felt like he could breathe again. _

_ “Hiya,” Aaron said, hands stuffed into his pocket to shield them from the cold.  _

_ “Hi,” he said.  _

_ Aaron’s feet shuffled on the gravel and he eyes Robert curiously. “So… Hotton?”  _

_ “Yeah, if that’s alright,” Robert said.  _

_ “It’s alright. I know a place, if you’re willing.” _

_ Robert met Aaron’s eye and nodded. “Let’s go,” he said.  _

_ Robert didn’t go out much—he didn’t have the time with all the work Jack had him doing—so he had only visited a few bars in Hotton. The one they ended up in front of was one Robert had seen many times, one he had never dared to visit, not this close to home. The neon letters and the pride flag lit the brick wall on which they were hanging, and Robert paused outside, staring at it.  _

_ Aaron took a step inside before turning around and nodding towards the door.  _

_ “You coming?” he asked, a question laced with so much more.  _

_ Robert took a deep breath and let it out before putting one step in front of the other and following Aaron up the stairs and into the bar.  _

_ It wasn’t quite packed yet; it was too early for the place to be full of people but just early enough that it was peppered with couples or groups here and there. The music was loud but not so loud as to stifle conversation, and there were small candles on each table.  _

_ “What do you want?” Aaron asked.  _

_ “I thought I invited you,” Robert countered.  _

_ Aaron bit his ip. “I’ll have a pint, then.” He turned around and found a table for them. _

_ Not long after, Robert placed two beers on the table, sitting opposite Aaron. _

_ “So,” Aaron said.  _

_ Robert took a sip of his beer. “So,” he repeated.  _

_ Aaron leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. “You been here before?”  _

_ Robert shook his head. “First time,” he said.  _

_ Aaron nodded. “I guessed as much from the way you looked at it. You alright with being here?”  _

_ Robert smiled. “I know who I am,” he said. He remained quiet thereafter, words hanging precariously between them. _

_ “We can go somewhere else,” Aaron offered.  _

_ Robert shook his head. It was exhilarating to sit there so openly.“Here’s good,” he said. He took another sip before continuing: “You been here before?” _

_ Aaron nodded. “Once or twice. It’s always the first bar I go to in a new city.” _

_ “You been out for long?” _

_ “I’ve always known, on some level, but didn’t accept it till I was a teenager. Came out when I was sixteen, and my family was supportive, after they got over their surprise,” he said. “You?” _

_ Robert opened his mouth to speak but stopped, instead catching the condensation dripping down his glass with his thumb. “No one knows here, that I’m--” He doesn’t finish the sentence, has never said it out loud before.  _

_ Aaron’s eyebrows knitted together. “Afraid they’ll react badly?” _

_ Robert already knew how they would react, knew what the force of Jack’s anger could do. _

_ Aaron reached out tentatively but stopped before his hand made it to Robert’s on the table.  _

_ “Vic doesn’t know?” Aaron asked.  _

_ Robert shook his head. “There hasn’t been a reason to tell anyone, so I’ve kept it to myself.”  _

_ Aaron bit his upper lip. “Doesn’t sound easy.”  _

_ Robert shrugged again, shaking it off. “Doesn’t really matter,” he said.  _

_ Aaron gets it, and changes the subject without asking more questions. _

_ By the end of the first drink, Robert had pressed his leg to Aaron’s underneath the table, and after the next, their chairs were so close that Robert could place his hand in Aaron’s lap, trace the seam of his trousers up his thigh until Aaron’s face got flushed and he had to pull Robert in for a kiss. The third drink was had in Aaron’s room and before they could have another they collided, hands fumbling for clothes while they tried not to be too loud for fear of anyone hearing.  _

_ They were as efficient with the space in Aaron’s small bed as they had been in the truck, Robert keeping Aaron as close to him as possible, wanting his heat and tugging him closer, pulling clothes away until there was nothing between them at all.  _

_ “Want to stay?” Aaron asked as he breathed in the scent of Robert’s skin, arms wrapped around his chest.  _

_ Robert shook his head. “I can’t,” he whispered back.  _

_ Aaron didn’t protest, but when Robert started getting dressed, he pulled him in for another hungry kiss.  _

_ “I’ll see you soon,” Robert said against Aaron’s lips.  _

_ Aaron grumbled, biting Robert’s lip before letting him go.  _

_ The walk back to Home Farm was cold, and Robert felt it in his bones, warmth dissipating with every step he took. The night had been good—great, even—and Robert could feel the need for moisturiser on his chin, but it was just a fling. Robert had needed a break from his life and he had got it, and it wasn’t like it needed to happen again. Robert took a shower before climbing into his cold bed, and hugging his duvet to his chest.  _

**_breaking_ **

_ Robert couldn’t stop.  _

_ His free time became filled with Aaron - they met up in the garage, the empty Mill, and even a barn off of Home Farm once. Robert caught himself searching him out, finding him on breaks just to spend a few minutes with him, bringing him coffee or walking him to and from the garage. It was always a quick moment that made his day feel worth while, and it was addicting. _

_ It was still a secret. Aaron didn’t know the specifics but he didn’t question it either – it was an unspoken agreement, what with Aaron leaving Emmerdale soon anyway, that they were just having fun, enjoying themselves.  _

_ Robert couldn’t remember a time where he had felt so happy. _

_ Robert occasionally found an afternoon where Jack didn’t need him, or a weekend where he could finish his work early and leave to find Aaron, spend a few hours in comfortable bliss. _

_ The bed in Aaron’s room was small, but it was just big enough for the both of them if they squeezed together. They were huddled together, Aaron’s legs draped over Robert’s, his hand lazily tracing a pattern along Robert’s ribs, the touch just light enough to make Robert wriggle. _

_ “Aaron,” Robert warned. _

_ Aaron shuffled down and kissed Robert’s shoulder. “What?” _

_ “I’m ticklish,” he said. _

_ Aaron grinned at him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” _

_ Robert moved quickly, grabbing Aaron’s wrists and holding them above his head, straddling his thighs. “Sure about that?” _

_ Aaron’s eyes turned dark. Robert leaned down, pausing just before his lips touched Aaron’s, making Aaron arch into him and Robert grinned. _

_ “Not fair,” Aaron whispered. _

_ “Who said life was supposed to be fair,” Robert said. _

_ Aaron’s face fell, a new expression taking its place. “You’re amazing,” he said. _

_ Robert’s chest expanded, too small to contain the happiness that suddenly filled him. _

_ “You’re not so bad yourself,” he said. _

_ They kissed – it was long, deep, delicious, lacking the desperation from earlier. They pressed together, chest to chest, and Robert felt Aaron wrap his arms around him, fingers pressing into his back. _

_ “When do you need to go back to your Dad’s do?” Aaron asked. _

_ Robert kissed Aaron’s neck before replying: “I don’t know, I don’t care. “ _

_ “Aren’t you going?” Aaron asked. _

_ “I hate those events, I’d much rather stay here, with you…”  _

_ Aaron grinned. “It’s early still,” he continued. _

_ “What are you getting at?” _

_ Aaron met his eye. “Charity and Vanessa are in Leeds for some business thing tonight, they’ll be smashed and won’t be in any state to notice anything before at least 11 tomorrow,” he said. _

_ “Yeah?” Robert replied. _

_ “We’ve got the place to ourselves.” _

_ At that, Robert froze. “You sure?” _

_ Aaron nodded. “They left just before I texted you, and by now they’ll be three glasses into some fancy tipple and it’s only 10,” he said. _

_ Robert looked at him, taking it in.  _

_ “You could spend the night,” he continued. “Be out of here as early as you want, sneak in to Home Farm without anyone knowing.” _

_ Robert grinned, and pressed his hips against Aaron’s. “You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Dingle.” _

_ Aaron raised an eyebrow and then let his hands wander down to Robert’s arse. “Do I now?” _

_ Robert moved in for a kiss and let all thoughts of his family dissipate. _

_ The next morning he woke up smiling, one arm draped over Aaron’s chest, face buried in Aaron’s neck, listening to Aaron’s barely audible snores. He glanced at the clock – 5:45 am – and moved closer, pressing himself to the man that lay sleeping beside him, knowing nothing could make him want to get up.  _

_ “I might have found a club,” Aaron said. They were walking across a field, different hues of green surrounding them, blue sky above.  _

_ Robert’s eyes shot up. “Yeah?”  _

_ Aaron smiled. “Yeah.”  _

_ Robert’s stomach fell. “Oh… Where is it?”  _

_ Aaron bit his lip before responding. “Leeds,” Aaron said.  _

_ “What?” Robert’s feet froze in its tracks.  _

_ Aaron smiled again, broader this time. “You heard me. Leeds.”  _

_ “But that’s only about an hour away,” Robert said, confused. “I thought you wanted to find one of the big clubs, play there.”  _

_ Aaron looked around them, checking for passersby before placing a hand on Robert’s arm. “Leeds has a great club, and it might not be up in the rankings but it is close,” he said.  _

_ “Close to what?” Robert asked.  _

_ Aaron let out a laugh. “Close to you, you idiot.”  _

_ Robert felt his heart stutter in his chest. What Aaron was suggesting should scare him, but Aaron was smiling at him, blue eyes crinkled and grin wide and Robert couldn’t help but follow suit. He was gorgeous, and Robert moved his hand so it slotted together with Aaron’s, fingers intertwined. “You’re staying in Emmerdale?” _

_ Aaron nodded, and Robert felt his chest fill with warmth.  _

_ “They called me this morning, offered me the spot. I said I’d give them an answer by the end of this week.” _

_ “What does that answer depend on?” Robert asked. _

_ Aaron rolled his eyes. “What d’you think?”  _

_ “Come,” Robert said, pulling Aaron along the small path by his hand.  _

_ “Where are we going?”  _

_ Robert pulled Aaron outside and up the hill to Home Farm, fingers intertwined the whole way.  _

_ “Robert, what are you–?” Aaron said as he saw the destination.  _

_ “Jack and Andy are at a meeting, no one’s home, and I want you,” Robert said.  _

_ As soon as they were through the door, Robert pushed Aaron against the closed door, breathing him in, tugging at his sides. Aaron smiled against his lips and then deepened the kiss, tongue soft and warm. Robert pulled at him, tugging him into the kitchen.  _

_ Aaron was kissing his neck, biting once and then kissing the sore skin. Robert couldn’t remember ever feeling this good, feeling this happy.  _

_ He put his hand on Aaron’s face and his eyes found Aaron’s. “I–” Aaron started, lips flushed red and eyes beautifully blue. “I love you, Robert” Aaron said. _

_ A tiny part of Robert despised the flood of happiness that grew inside his chest at the words, the requited emotion that flooded him as a result. However he rejected it, pushed it down in favour of speaking what he knew was true: “I love you too.” _

_ Robert lost himself in Aaron; his stubble was chafing Robert’s chin, and his hands were firm on Robert’s hips as he pressed him against the kitchen table behind them. Robert moved his hand to the hem of Aaron’s t-shirt, gently teasing the skin there and then sliding up higher until his hand was pressed firmly to Aaron’s back, feeling the muscles as Aaron moved. A moan escaped him and he wanted Aaron closer, wanted him more than he had ever wanted anything.  _

_ He was so wrapped up in Aaron he didn’t hear the front door open, didn’t hear footsteps in the hallway, didn’t even notice anyone else existed until– _

_ “Robert, are you–?” Jack’s voice rang out and Robert froze with his lips to Aaron’s, before breaking them apart.  _

_ He looked over Aaron’s shoulder to see Jack Sugden, eyes fixed on the two of them, fury growing with each second.  _

_ “Dad,” he said quickly. He moved away from Aaron and hoped Jack hadn’t seen anything but the look in his eyes made Robert certain that he knew. He finally knew. “I didn’t think you’d be home.”  _

_ Jack looked between the two of them for a split second longer before he turned around and left.  _

_ Robert started going after him but stopped, frozen in place by the panic that slowly rose in his chest.  _

_ “Robert,” Aaron whispered, moving towards him. He placed a hand on Robert’s shoulder and Robert took a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry.”  _

_ “Please go,” Robert managed.  _

_ Aaron moved to face him. “Robert, let me help --”  _

_ “You can’t help, you can’t do anything,” he said. His voice was hoarse and he stared at the floor, couldn’t look at Aaron.  _

_ Aaron squeezed his hand once before leaving, and Robert listened as his footsteps receded through the hallway and the door closed behind him.  _

_ Robert found Jack in his study. He was staring at some papers on the table, pen fixed a mere fraction of an inch above the paper, waiting.  _

_ “Dad,” he said.  _

_ Jack didn’t react. His eyes moved seamlessly across the page and ignored Robert.  _

_ “Dad,” he repeated more forcefully. That made him look up, and meet Robert’s eye.  _

_ “I thought you were busy today,” Jack said, voice cold.  _

_ Robert took a step closer. “I was,” he said.  _

_ “Clearly.”  _

_ Robert felt a blush creep rise in his cheeks.  _

_ “I told you those Dingles were trouble,” Jack said. “I thought you were going to stay away from them.”  _

_ Robert stared at him. “I won’t. I can’t. I want to be with him.”  _

_ Jack slammed the pen down on the desk, making Robert flinch. “You will not,” he said. “Not in my village.”  _

_ Robert moved closer to him. “You don’t get to decide who I spend my time with.”  _

_ At that, Jack got up, walked around the desk and stood in front of Robert, eyes hard. Robert hadn’t seen his father so furious since the last time Jack caught him with a bloke, an intern when Robert was fifteen. He had leathered Robert then with the same look in his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was full of anger, of disgust.“I won’t have my son walking around, hand in hand with a Dingle, especially not a–” _

_ “What, a man?” Robert challenged.  _

_ A fist, a flash of pain, and Robert’s ears were ringing as his head was knocked back, and he barely managed to remain standing. He stared up at his father, put a hand to his cheek and felt at the hot skin, tears unwillingly forming in his eyes.  _

_ Jack squeezed the bridge of his nose and let out a shaky breath. “This will stop,” he said. “This will stop now. This business, everything I’ve worked for, that this family has worked for. You won’t have a place in it unless it stops.”  _

_ With that, Jack left, leaving Robert to stare at the floor.  _

_ Robert walked into town. He wanted a beer, he wanted some fresh air, but most of all he needed to get out of the house. His cheek was already starting to bruise and even being in the same room as Jack made his fists clench and his stomach churn; he was ashamed, and he hated himself for it.  _

_ The pub was almost empty except for Charity, who was behind the bar, and Robert ordered a pint before sitting down in a corner booth and drinking half of it in one go.  _

_ “Robert?”  _

_ Aaron stood by the table, looking down at him.  _

_ “Evening,” Robert said.  _

_ “How are you–” he stopped, face turning sour as he saw Robert’s cheek. “Did your dad do that?”  _

_ Robert didn’t respond. That same shame crept up through him, the shame from being fifteen and being told what you are is wrong. It made his cheeks burn hot and made the thrumming pain sharper.  _

_ “Not the first time,” Robert muttered. _

_ “Robert,” Aaron said again, sitting down opposite him and shuffling as close as he could. He placed a hand on top of Robert’s, but Robert pulled his away, glancing at the pub and relieved to find it empty, Charity gone.  _

_ “I can’t,” Robert said.  _

_ “I understand,” Aaron repeated. “Look, we’ll get through this, yeah?”  _

_ “You don’t understand, Aaron.” Robert met his eye now, saw the pity there, the love. “I can’t do this anymore.”  _

_ The love in Aaron’s eyes turned to dust. “What do you mean?” _

_ “You know exactly what I mean,” he said. “It was a foolish fling, nothing more, and now it’s over.”  _

_ Aaron stared at him. “You’re not serious. This is your dad talking, not you.”  _

_ “I always knew it couldn’t last, just got a bit carried away.”  _

_ “Carried away?” Aaron was angry now, voice low but hard, so hard. “You told me you loved me.”  _

_ Robert felt a tear fall down his face and wiped it away before it could leave a mark. “What, you really think I meant it?”  _

_ Aaron hardened now, stubbornness growing. “This isn’t you, Rob. I know it isn’t easy and I hate him for what he did to you, but this isn’t you.”  _

_ “I can’t, Aaron,” he whispered.  _

_ “I know,” Aaron said. “Then we don’t stay here, we leave. I can call a club in France, I’ve just had an offer from Lille that I turned down but I can call them back, we can leave.”  _

_ Robert took a breath and let the tears stream down his face.  _

_ “You’re just a bit on the side, entertainment when I get bored and a warm body when I get cold.”  _

_ Robert could see Aaron fighting the words that came out of his mouth, fighting for him.“I want to be with you Robert but not here, not like this. Come with me,” Aaron pleaded. He placed a hand on Robert’s knee under the table, and squeezed. “I love you,” he said.  _

_ Robert met his eye. Aaron’s smile was still hopeful and Robert felt none of that hope. He couldn’t do it. He had wanted to be a part of Jack’s business all his life, had been brought up to know the ins and outs, had gone to business school so he could help, had worked his whole life to get to where he was now; a place where he could contribute, maybe even one day take over. It was who he was, and he couldn’t let go of that.  _

_ Robert wiped his cheeks and drank the rest of his beer before he fixed Aaron with what he hoped was a hard stare. “I don’t love you, Aaron,” he said. “This was just meant to be a bit of fun, yeah? I would never have slept with you if I thought you would be sticking around long enough to think this was something more than that.”  _

_ Aaron’s hopeful face fell, his eyes turning hard with anger in a split second, and Robert felt his heart crack open and break in his chest. It wasn’t enough; Aaron was still standing in front of him, a promise of love that Robert could never have. He wanted him gone, wanted him out of his life. _

_ “It’s boring now, and you’re pathetic if you think I could want more.” _

_ Aaron bit his lower lip to keep it from quivering and got up, taking a step away from Robert. “Glad I knew before I wasted any more time on you,” he said, and Robert saw tears fall from Aaron’s eyes. “You’re a pathetic coward. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t even be honest about who they are.” _

_ It’s for the best, he told himself as Aaron wiped away his tears and walked out of the pub. It’s for the best, he told himself as he felt his knees go weak, his cheeks burn, his breath shake. It’s for the best, he repeated, over and over again until he could pretend he meant it, until the image of Aaron’s love for him disappearing in his eyes didn’t make him want to rip his hair out.  _

_ Aaron left a few days later without a word, a text, or a call. Robert overheard it in the pub, holding back tears until he could get outside, walk out onto the field by the cricket pavilion and yell until his throat was sore. Afterwards, he went back to Home Farm, where Jack met him with a folder full of newly signed papers investing in Robert’s new business idea. Neither of them mentioned what Jack had seen again.  _

**MANCHESTER**

Robert steps out of his car and into the cold Manchester wind. It is a dreary day, the sky consisting entirely of different nuances of grey, and the cold is biting, penetrating outer layers to work its way into Robert’s bones and make him shiver. 

Leaving Dublin was the right thing to do now he knows Ed and Aaron are inevitable. Aaron’s grief as Ed lay on the hospital bed spoke volumes, made Aaron’s feelings completely clear. Not that Robert can blame him; Ed is kind, funny, muscular, and beautiful. All Robert can do now is wait for the news from Victoria, the final nail in the coffin that will make him let go. He imagines relief will follow, but the pain in his chest says otherwise. 

Jack and Andy have been staying at The Edwardian since they got here, though how Jack affords it is beyond Robert’s knowledge. They have been making headway with Lawrence and the deal must be close or Jack wouldn’t have been so adamant that Robert make it there in time, though why he wants Robert there is beyond him. The business failing was his fault, at least in part, and he thought both Andy and Jack wanted him as far away from all of it as possible. Here he is, a room booked for him next to theirs, so Robert can help with rebuilding the business. At least he has that to keep his mind off of Aaron, sad and worried at Ed’s hospital bed.

Andy opens the door for him, greeting him in a very Andy-like fashion; a nod and sour expression. 

“Good to see you,” Robert says, mostly to annoy him. Going by Andy’s glare, it seems to work. 

“Robert, glad you’re here. Much has happened!” Jack says. 

Robert dumps his bag on the floor next to the sofa and walks over to greet his father. 

“I’m in conversation with a potential new associate, Lawrence White. You remember that I mentioned him, yes? Well, his daughter has just arrived in town yesterday and is apparently very interested in our numbers, especially with the Northern market. She is quite the woman, Chrissie is.” 

Robert nods. “I saw her in Dublin, she was there last weekend before Ed was hospitalised.” 

“Ed?” Jack asks. “Oh, that farm-hand. Very sad, yes… Well, she is about to come here so we can discuss things further. You’ll have to stay of course.” 

“I was hoping to have a shower and–” but Robert’s cuts off by a sharp knock on the door. 

“That must be her,” Andy says.

It is. She is a beautiful woman—Robert has to give her that—and she sweeps into the room, professional and elegant, just as elegant as she was a few days ago in Dublin. Robert can practically see Andy straighten his back, hold his head higher, but as soon as Chrissie spots Robert, her smile changes as recognition hits, eyebrows rising in surprise. 

“You must be Robert,” she says. 

Robert smiles at her. “I am. Funny seeing you here.” 

“Likewise,” she says before turning to Jack. “Mr. Sugden, great to see you again.”

“Are you ready for lunch, Miss White?” Jack asks, all charm and smiles now. 

“Will Robert be joining us?” she asks, and Jack’s smile grows wider. 

“Yes, he will.” Jack replies without even giving Robert a chance to speak for himself.

“Excellent, I’ll call a cab then.” She smiles at him and Robert finds himself smiling back. “I’ll see you all in the lobby.” 

As soon as she leaves the room, Robert lets out a small sigh.

“Actually, I can’t today.” 

Jack freezes. “I’m sorry?” 

“I can’t have lunch,” Robert says.

“Why in the world would you not be joining us for lunch?” Jack says, voice rising. 

“I already have plans,” he says. 

“Plans?” Jack says. 

Robert nods. “Meeting a mate for lunch.”

“What is the name of this mate?” he asks. 

“Jonathan Smith,” Robert says.

“And this Jonathan Smith is more important to you than your family? Than this business?” Jack gets up and stalks towards Robert, fury clear in his eyes.

“This isn’t about importance, it’s about principle. I promised to meet with my friend from university before I knew about Chrissie White even being here, and I am not going to blow off my mate,” he says. 

Jack’s eyes are flickering between Robert’s and he is breathing in and out slowly, keeping something within him in check. Robert has seen this anger before, seen it being let out in quick, unpredictable bursts. He swallows hard and stands his ground. 

Jack picks up his jacket and his bag and leaves without another word, Andy in tow.

The café Jonathan picked is small, quaint. The Blue Daisy café was just the kind of place antithetical to what Jonathan usually chose; Robert’s usually picked the best-rated restaurants in the more elegant parts of town when they met, which they haven’t done for at least four years. 

Jonathan has also dropped his usual suit and tie for a knitted jumper over a pair of black jeans. He looks casual in a way Robert hasn’t ever seen him before. 

“This is new,” Robert comments, indicating the outfit and Jonathan shrugs. 

“Felt like a change after all those years in suits,” he jokes. 

“I understand why,” Robert says. “They look great but they’re a bore to wear.” 

Jonathan’s smile falters a little. “Lost my job a while ago.” 

“Oh, sorry to hear it.” 

“It’s alright,” Jonathan says. “I haven’t been able to find something new, at least not yet… I’m working on a few projects but can’t seem to get any investments together.” 

“Mate,” Robert says. “I thought that banking job was working out for you?” 

Jonathan shrugs. “Company had a dip in sales a few months ago and I was one of the first ones to go,” he says. “How’s your business doing?” 

Robert tells him everything; the rise, the fall, the good things in between, and their attempts to get new funding to keep themselves afloat. Jonathan listens intently, and they are almost done with the food by the time Robert has gotten him up to speed. 

“So this Lawrence is supposed to be signing a contract with you this week?” Jonathan asks. 

Robert nods. “Yeah, we’ve got everything settled apparently. You know anything about them?”

“I saw them at my old job a few times, both Lawrence and Chrissie. Big investors, had a big account. Never worked with them, but I hope it works out for you,” Jonathan says and Robert smiles. 

“So, are you seeing anyone?” Robert asks, and Jonathan lets out a laugh. 

“No, not for a while now. You?” 

“No,” Robert says. 

“Last time I saw you, you were pining for some bloke, what was his name?” Robert’s face falls. “Sorry mate, we don’t have to talk about it,” Jonathan says. 

“Have seen a few people since but no one seriously,” Robert replies. 

“Fair,” Jonathan says. “I’ve heard Chrissie White is gorgeous though.” 

It’s nice, seeing someone who has known him for so long, even if it has been awhile. He leaves the cafe with a warmth in his chest and a plan to meet up again later in the week for a pint.

Days pass full of meetings and emails, Jack and Andy trying desperately to get some kind of locked down deal with Lawrence and Chrissie, and trying to get Robert to do everything in his power to make it happen. It is exhausting. The drinks, the dinners, the sycophantic behaviour—all of it’s exhausting. Robert wakes up with his head plastered to a soft pillow, a wet patch by his cheek. His phone is ringing, blaring in his ears, making him want to throw it out of the window. He doesn’t even see who it is before he answers. 

“Who’s this?” he asks, voice heavy with sleep. 

“Victoria Sugden, calling to speak with Robert Sugden,” she says in mock severity. “Do you know where I can find him? He’s cranky and mean, but nice enough if you catch him on a good day.” 

He lets out a small laugh. “How are you, Vic?”

“We’re in Manchester!” she says. 

“You’re what?” Robert asks, waking up a bit more. “How come?” 

“Adam proposed,” she yells down the phone, loud enough to hurt his ear. 

“He what?” Robert says, letting it sink in a second before continuing, “Vic! Congratulations, that’s brilliant! Where are you, I’ll come and meet you for breakfast?” 

Adam wasn’t Jack’s first choice for his daughter but she stuck by him, fighting to get out from underneath her father’s scrutiny, and she is so happy. Robert can’t help but smile when he sees it in her.

“Come and meet us at The Koffee Pot in about an hour, yeah?” she asks and Robert agrees.

His room at The Edwardian is beautiful, stylish. If anything it reminds him of Home Farm - quietly expensive, with delicate accessories that make it feel that bit more extravagant. Robert gets out of bed and makes his way to the shower, letting the water wash away any last remnants of sleep, before getting dressed and heading out.

Vic is grinning at him when he sees her; she looks happy, almost jumping out of her seat to meet him, wrapping her arms around his chest.

“I’m sorry I had to wake you,” she says. 

“I’m so happy for the both of you,” he says. 

“Thanks big bro,” she replies. 

“I’m just glad she said yes,” Adam jokes, and Robert laughs. 

“You both deserve it,” he says. “So, what are we having?” 

“We’re just here for the weekend to do some planning,” she says as Robert stuffs his face with a bacon sarnie. “The wedding won’t be for ages but apparently you need to start early, so we want to see what our options are.”

“Makes sense,” Robert says. 

Adam smiles and takes Vic’s hand on the table. “We’ll get to spend a long weekend together, I can’t complain.” 

“How are you doing?” Vic asks. 

Robert meets her eye. “Yeah, not bad.” 

She quirks an eyebrow at him. “How’re things with Dad and Andy?” 

“Fine,” he says. He takes a bite while she looks at him. “What?”

“Just checking up on ya,” she says. 

“How have things been in Emmerdale?” Robert changes the subject. 

“Well, most people are still talking about Ed’s hospitalisation and all that.” Vic takes a long sip of her tea. “Nothing usually happens there, this is the biggest piece of news in quite some time. 

Robert takes a sip of his tea. “How’s Ed doing?” 

“Not too bad,” Vic says. “He still has a few symptoms of a concussion but he is improving a lot every day.” 

“Have you heard the latest? Ed and Jackson are a thing now,” Adam says. 

“Wait, what?” 

“Jackson and Ed, they’re an item. Apparently while Ed was in hospital Jackson was a big help, and they’ve been spending a lot of time together in recovery.” 

Robert takes a second, tries to let it sink in but he cannot imagine the surly jock with the smiley, fun-loving Ed, not when he was so sure about Ed wanting someone else. “What about -?”

“Aaron? Wouldn’t we all like to know. A few days after Ed woke up in hospital, Aaron got on a plane to London for some meeting and I don’t think they’ve been in contact since.” 

Adam shakes his head. “Jackson is even talking about moving back here for him,” he says. 

“So where’s Aaron?” Robert can’t keep it in, has to know. 

“Currently? In Emmerdale with Chas,” Adam says. 

Vic shakes her head too, incredulous. “I mean, Jackson seemed great and all but he was so moody, I can’t imagine someone like Ed with someone like Jackson.” 

Robert can’t either, unless… Jackson knows something about recovery, and Ed probably needed all the support he could get. It made sense, in a weird way. 

The next day all Robert wants to do is spend it with Victoria, but instead Andy calls him in to meet with Chrissie to discuss the contract. The coffee shop is nice, comfortable, full of students with their laptops out and half eaten slices of cake next to them. 

“I don’t see why you want to negotiate here,” Robert comments as they walk in but Andy doesn’t hear. 

They find a small table by the window and get their orders sorted before Andy starts talking shop; Chrissie rolls her eyes lightly at Robert, who smiles at her.

“Katie, have you got all our latest numbers?” 

She rifles through a bag and fishes out a thick purple folder. Andy snatches it out of her hand before she has a chance to extend it. 

“Look, Father will just want a small report, there’s no need to be all grand about it. You’re all coming to this dinner tonight, aren’t you?”

Andy and Katie nod. 

“Are you sure you want us all there tonight?” Robert asks. 

Chrissie smiles, and places a hand on his knee. “Of course I do, he wants to know more about the people he is investing in. It’ll just be a small thing, just the five of us plus Mr. Sugden.” 

The meeting goes about as well as Robert imagined it would—lots of bullshit and not many results, but at least the coffee is worth drinking. Around 45 minutes later, Chrissie gets up and smiles. 

“I’ll order us a cab back to our hotels, shall I? I know I at least want to get ready before dinner and drinks tonight.” 

She gets up and Robert watches as she makes a phone call. 

Andy and Katie are too absorbed in their own world to notice when the rain starts thrumming lightly against the window. Robert can’t help but watch the pattern of droplets as they hit the ground, eyes just drifting as he stares out into nowhere. Until he freezes.

Through the window, Robert sees him. 

Aaron’s walking in a down-jacket, with the hood pulled up over his head, hands in his pockets. The rain is getting heavier by the second, and Robert watches as Aaron looks around, sees the coffee shop, and walks towards it with quick steps. 

“I’m going to get another coffee,” Robert murmurs, getting out of his seat and walking to the till. 

Andy and Katie do not react, too absorbed in a conversation in hushed voices to hear but Robert wouldn’t care if they had noticed. He walks up and waits, until suddenly, there he is; jacket wet and cheeks flushed. 

“Hiya Aaron,” Robert says. 

The rain pouring down outside almost masks his voice but Aaron still hears them. He freezes, looks up, and as he recognises Robert he smiles. 

“Robert,” Aaron says. His eyes are bright blue, his smile sincere. Robert hasn’t seen him smile like that in five years.

“So, you’re in Manchester?” Robert asks. 

“Yeah, I just got here.” 

“I didn’t know you were–” Robert begins but is interrupted. 

“I came here to see Adam and Vic, celebrate the good news,” he says. “It was a surprise.” 

“So you’ve seen them?” Robert asks. 

“Yeah, just saw them for a bite to eat, we might be going out for a pint later.” 

Robert nods. Aaron’s smiling, looking at him, and it is all Robert can do to just stay standing, breathing. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to be when everything is different now. 

“Good thing you got here when the weather’s so nice,” Robert says. 

Aaron laughs, eyes crinkling slightly as water droplets roll down his drenched face. “Not exactly dressed for it, am I.” 

Robert grins at him. “I’ve got an extra umbrella, if you want to borrow it?” 

“That’s alright…” Aaron pauses. “How have you been since Dublin?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m here with Andy and his new assistant, Katie. They wanted to talk business with a potential new investor.” Robert looks over his shoulder to see both Andy and Katie staring at him and Aaron. Andy’s brow is furrowed in thought, deeper than Robert has ever seen. 

Robert turns back to Aaron, wracking his brain for any conversation piece, any way to keep Aaron here, smiling at him.

“You staying here long?” he asks. 

Aaron shrugs. “Not sure yet, I’ve got a meeting with my agent on Tuesday and some training to do and–” he stops as his eyes flicker over Robert’s shoulder. 

“Robert, I’ve got the cab waiting for us outside, we’ve got drinks with Father,” Chrissie says from behind him.

But all he sees is Aaron’s smile faltering by a fraction, the ease between them from seconds ago broken by the world around them. 

“Yeah, ‘course.” Robert throws over his shoulder. He looks back at Aaron and smiles. “It’s good to see you, Aaron.” 

Aaron just nods, and Robert follows Chrissie out into the rain.

The dinner is comfortable; Chrissie’s apparent interest in Robert means that neither Jack nor Andy take the chance to be cold or cruel. She flatters and smiles and places her hand on Robert’s arm for just long enough to make it mean more than polite admiration. When Robert goes to sleep later that night he doesn’t remember the feeling of her warm hand on his, or her laughter at his jokes. It’s all Aaron, smiling at him. 

Jack orders Robert to meet him at a bar where Lawrence and Chrissie are going to be joining. 

It’s an up-and-coming place, not usually what his father would go for but Robert turns up nonetheless, suit immaculate and hair perfect.

They are at the bar getting reading to order when cameras start going off outside, flashes burning Robert’s eye. 

“Some celebrity,” Jack says with disdain. 

Robert looks towards the door and it makes his heart stutter. 

Aaron walkes up to the bar, clearly searching for someone when his eyes fall on Robert, and the corner of his mouth rises a little. Robert nods in recognition, and Aaron walks over. 

Robert doesn’t look to see what Jack’s response to seeing Aaron Dingle is; he keeps his eyes firmly planted on Aaron’s smile.

“How are you, Aaron?” Robert asks. 

Jack, Andy, and Katie stand behind him. 

“Good, you?”

“Fine… Are you here for a drink, or?” 

“Here to rent a movie, am I in the wrong place?” Robert lets out a breathy laugh and Aaron smiles. “I’m here to meet my agent but I think he’s late.” 

Andy makes his way over, hand out-stretched. “Good to see you again Aaron. I hope you’ll be bringing your talent to a team over here this time,” he continues, and Robert has to suppress a serious eye-roll.

“We’ll see,” Aaron replies. 

Jack steps forward. He looks Aaron up and down, nodding in acknowledgement. “Mr Dingle, I thought you were still overseas?”

“I got back a few months ago, in between things at the moment.” 

Jack doesn’t react, simply looking between the two of them before meeting Robert’s eye. “We’ll wait for you over there,” he says, indicating a booth in the corner. They leave, and Robert suddenly feels like he can breathe again. 

Aaron brings him back to the bar when he clears his throat. “We haven’t really spoken since Dublin, I never got to hear how you you were feeling after Ed’s attack.” he says. 

Robert swallows. “Just matters how Ed is feeling—going through something like that isn’t easy, I hope he’s doing alright.” 

“He seemed alright… I don’t think anyone expected Jackson to be there for him as much as he was.” 

“No,” Robert says with a small smile. “I hope they are happy together.” 

“From what I hear, they are,” Aaron replies. “Jackson’s mum was surprised, but she’s always been supportive of him.” 

Robert’s gaze flickers over his shoulder and he swallows. 

“Ed’s a great guy,” Aaron continues. “I can’t think why they wouldn’t be good for each other, even if it is a bit fast. I mean he only lost Martin a year ago, and Martin was a great guy. They really loved each other. I couldn’t move on like that, not as quickly…”

Their eyes meet. 

“How long did you stay in Dublin?” Robert asks. 

“I left just after he woke up,” Aaron says. “I wanted to make sure Ed was alright, and it’s not a bad place to be.” 

“I’d like to go back,” Robert says. 

“Really?” Aaron asks. “After all the trouble of the last time?”

“Maybe, in a few months. I have been there so little I’d love to see more.” 

Silence stretches out between them and Robert almost considers mentioning the weather again when Aaron takes a step closer, eyes searching Robert’s. 

“Robert, I haven’t–” 

“Lawrence is here,” Robert hears from behind him, his father’s voiced panicked. “Robert, are you coming?” 

Their bubble is shattered, broken by the outside world, just as it has been countless times before. Robert gazes over his shoulder to see Lawrence White shaking hands with Jack; he is broad-shouldered and loud, and Robert can hear his voice all the way over by the bar. 

“I have to go,” Robert says. 

Aaron nods once, expression sour. He moves towards the bar and ordering a drink. 

Robert settles into their booth but his eyes are firmly planted on Aaron’s back, watching him order and walk over to an empty table. Aaron doesn’t return his gaze. 

Lawrence is haughty and scoffs at the whisky menu, and Robert wishes it were someone else he was listening to.

Chrissie invites him out for a coffee, and Robert can’t help but think something is wrong when he realises it is just him and Chrissie meeting; no Andy, no Katie, no Jack.

It doesn’t take long for her to get to the point, actually it takes her just as long as it takes the barista to bring over an americano and a latte for her to look at Robert and smile in that enticing way. 

“I’ve been thinking,” she says, legs extended in front of her and eyes sweet, “you should come and work for us.”

“You what?”

“I’ve spoken to Father about it, he agrees. You would be a great asset.” 

Robert puts his coffee down slowly before meeting her gaze. “Why would you want me to work for you?”

“You’re clearly intelligent, you’ve got a good sense for business,” she says. “On a personal note, I certainly wouldn’t mind being able to work a bit closer to you.” 

She leans forward and smiles, bringing her hand to her chin. 

“I’m flattered,” Robert says, and her smile grows. 

“I expect you’ll need a few days to think about it. You’d be a part of our team, helping us decide who to invest in and what can bring us value. Whatever you have earned in your father’s company we will match and exceed, so money won’t be an issue,” she says. “I think we work well together, it could be the start of something great.” 

Robert stares at his hands. “I’ll–” 

“Think about it?” Chrissie says. “Not a problem. Your Dad’s got till the end of this week to decide on our new endeavour, I’ll expect an answer by then.” 

Without further ado, she gathers her bag and jacket up in her arms and gets up to leave. She pauses beside him, placing her hand on his chin and bringing his face up to look at hers. 

“I do hope you’ll consider it,” she says. 

Vic and Adam extend their stay to include the full week and the weekend—Vic’s job at the pub can be handled without her it seems, and Adam’s got Gerry working there to help while he’s away, and with Aaron there, they have plenty to do.

“I found this brilliant pub on the corner, I was thinking we could all go tomorrow?” Adam says. 

Robert’s face falls as the rest of them nod enthusiastically. 

“I can’t, sorry.” 

“Why not?” Vic asks. 

“I just talked to Dad and he’s expecting us all to go to the party he’s throwing to celebrate the Whites’ investment,” Robert says. He looks around and sees Aaron’s confused look. “We can bring mates, too."

“Oh,” Vic says. “We can try the pub on Friday instead, don’t want you to have to go to one of dad’s business parties alone.” 

“There’ll be free alcohol at least, so you can all have a drink at the Sugden’s expense.” 

Adam grins. “Can’t say no to that, man. We’ll go to the pub another day, yeah?” 

Robert nods. “I’d appreciate it, thanks.” 

His phone goes off in his pocket and he steps away from the group, taking it out to read when he hears footsteps behind him. He turns around and there’s Aaron. 

“Maybe you haven’t worked for your father long enough to enjoy those parties,” Aaron says. 

Robert shakes his head, eyes pleading for Aaron to understand. “All those people are more interested in lining their own pockets than they are in those around them. They’re all idiots who look down their noses at people who weren’t born into their world,” Robert continues, “I don’t think I could ever grow to enjoy them.” 

Aaron smiles. “It’s never have, have you?” His voice is soft, gentle and Robert’s chest suddenly feels too tight. 

“No,” he says, voice quiet to match Aaron’s. “I didn’t.”

“Robert, you meeting Chrissie for coffee later?” Vic asks.

Robert shifts his gaze and looks over at his sister, who is clearly excited at the prospect. “No, not today, she had a business thing to go to.” 

Robert can feel Aaron’s eyes on the back of his neck but the look they share this time is empty, devoid of feeling. 

There’s a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “You coming mate?” 

Aaron nods, and in an instant he’s gone, leaving Robert to look at the message on his phone. 

The message is from Jonathan. 

Robert makes his way towards a coffee shop in town to meet him. 

Jonathan is sitting at a small table inside, hands fidgeting on the table.

“Hiya,” Robert says. 

“I’m glad you came,” Jonathan says.

“You said it was urgent?” 

Jonathan lets out a long breath. “I felt guilty after the last time we spoke. I felt like I needed to be honest with you.”

“Guilty?” Robert asks. 

“I lied, about knowing the Whites.” Jonathan puts his hands in his lap, biting his lip. “I worked in the bank where they have their money, I used to do some of their investment paperwork. They aren’t investors, they are asset strippers. They invest in companies until they have enough stake in the company to turn the board against those in charge and then fire them.” 

Robert freezes. “You what?”

Jonathan lets out a breath. “Lawrence didn’t like me so he got me fired; I accidentally let slip that I thought it was sad what he was doing to the last company he did it to, and the next day I got the boot.” 

“Why’re you telling me this?” Robert asks. 

“I couldn’t just let you agree to their investment,” Jonathan says. “If your company takes that money it comes with strings, major strings. Soon enough you’ll be out of a job and Chrissie and Lawrence will be running everything, earning money off whatever you started.” 

“How did we not know about this?” Robert asks. “How can Dad not have done his research?” 

Jonathan shakes his head. “They’re good at hiding what they are really doing, playing it off as some kind of turnaround artistry instead of what it really is.” 

Robert leans back in his chair, runs a hand over his face. “I have to tell them,” he says. 

Jonathan nods. “Do it as soon as you can but be aware that they’ll try to prove you’re lying…” 

“I’ll just have to have some solid proof then,” Robert says. 

Jonathan smiles, and pulls out a folder from his bag. “I can help there.”

The next day dawns with a message from Vic asking him to come by and help with something, and Robert can’t help but oblige. 

“What are we getting done today?” Robert asks as he sits down beside her in the Airbnb. 

Vic flips open three pamphlets for venues and glances at him. “Apparently you have to book these months in advance or you’re dead screwed,” she says. “Will you help?”

“Yeah, of course,” Robert says, hand on her shoulder. 

“Right, we’ve got appointments to see them all afternoon, and I want you there to help.” 

“No problem,” he says. 

Vic folds them away, putting them in her bag before fixing him with a hard stare. 

“You alright?” she asks. 

“‘Course,” he replies. 

“Robert…” she takes a deep breath before continuing. “You don’t have to lie to me, you know.” 

A frown, a shake of his head, gestures he knows have stalled conversations like this before, but they don’t seem to be working now, not with Vic looking at him like this. 

“I–” he starts, smile fading with each second. “I don’t know what to say.” 

She pulls a chair towards her, indicates for him to sit down. 

“You’ve been quiet lately, like you’re hiding.” 

Robert swallows. “I don’t know what you mean,” he says. 

“Come off it, I know you better than that.” Her hand finds his and she squeezes. “Look, if you’re not going through something then ignore me, but I think you are.”

He meets her eye and lets out a breath. “I… I was seeing someone, a while ago.” 

Her eyes light up, a smile forming on her lips. “And?”

“Well, it didn’t end well.” He looks around the room, feels Aaron’s presence behind him more acutely than he thought possible. He is talking to Adam, sharing a joke, laughing, and Robert lowers his voice to make sure Aaron hears nothing. “I’m just not quite over it yet,” he admits. 

“You’re not over it? What happened?” she asks. 

He closes his eyes and pushes down all the memories, all the pain, willing himself to shrug instead. 

“I made a mess of things, made all the wrong decisions. They left,” he says. 

It’s as close to an admission as he can give her, here and now, in the room of the Airbnb Adam is renting. He sees her realise what he is saying, sees her smile grow and her eyes go a little watery. 

“This… person, did they love you?” 

Robert nods. 

“Did you love them?” 

Robert nods again, slower this time. 

“If they really loved you I’m sure they would want you to move on,” she says. 

Robert grips her hand. “I can’t, Vic.” 

“Why not?” she asks. 

“It was like someone finally saw me for who I am, loved me for who I am… I can’t just let that go, it changed everything,” he says. 

“Anyone who knows you like I do couldn’t do anything but love ya, you goof.” She places her other hand on his shoulder, comforting, grounding him to the reality that he faces. “You remember Ellis, my boyfriend from uni?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I was heartbroken when he left for that big job down south, hated that we couldn’t be together but, I had to let go, had to move on. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met Adam and we wouldn’t be getting married. There’s nothing wrong with letting go of something that doesn’t make you happy, that doesn’t make your life better. You should try to move on, with whoever you fancy.” 

Robert shakes his head. “So what, I just go and ask the next person I meet out for a drink?” 

Vic nods. “Why not?” 

Because… because he doesn’t want to, because he feels it is wrong with every fibre of his being, because he wants something so much more powerful than Chrissie could ever be, because, because... There are so many reasons that flitter through his head, make his chest ache. There is also one undeniable reason to do it; Aaron and he are over, whatever they had is long gone. 

“I’ll see, yeah?” Robert says, and it feels like standing at the edge of a cliff about to take a step into nothingness. 

Vic squeezes his hand before her attention is diverted. 

“We’re going to head out to sort secret wedding stuff,” Adam says, hitting Aaron on the shoulder. 

Aaron stares at Robert, something burning in his eyes that Robert can’t recognise. 

“What does that mean, finding a place for the stag do?” Vic scoffs. 

Adam laughs but Aaron doesn’t join in. “I can’t tell you,” he says, “or it wouldn’t be a secret.” 

Vic smiles at them and turns back to pull the pamphlets from her bag. 

Aaron’s gaze doesn’t move until Adam is at the door. “You coming mate?” 

“Yeah,” Aaron says. “‘Course.” 

With a final look over his shoulder, Aaron leaves and Robert can’t help the gnawing feeling in his chest. 

Robert pulls out his laptop and starts on some work while Victoria does some more digging about venues and he allows himself to get lost in it, ignoring the world around him.

“Finn is supposed to meet us here at 12. You know what the time is?” Vic asks, and Robert pulls out his phone to check. 

Weird. There’s a missed call and a voicemail from Aaron. 

“It’s 11:47,” Robert says, confused. He calls his voicemail and puts the phone to his ear. 

“Robert.” Aaron’s voice is breathy with panic when he speaks. “I can’t do this anymore,” his voice trembles over the phone, shaky and uncertain. “I can’t keep pretending that you aren’t everything I want.,” his voice cracks. “I hated you for so long but ever since I got back, all I’ve seen is the person I fell in love with five years ago. You’re  _ all _ I see, Robert.” Robert keeps the phone steady against his ear but his heart is thumping in his chest, his hand shaking at his side as he listens to Aaron laugh around a sob. “I came here to see you, you know. To try and figure out if you felt the same, but I can’t wait any longer. Listening to Vic talk to you about moving on - I don’t want you to move on, I don’t want you to forget about us. I have to know there’s still a chance, if you feel the same.” Aaron breathes in deeply. “I need to see you before tonight, before that event. Can we meet? If you don’t want to, if you can’t then you won’t ever have to hear from me again, I promise.” The last words are spoken with a softness that Robert only remembers from years ago, a voice that has haunted him ever since. 

The voicemail ends. 

It takes more energy than Robert has to take that first breath; his hands are shaking, his heart hammering wildly. 

“Robert, you alright?” Vic asks. 

“I,” he starts, thoughts rushing through his head too quickly for comprehension. “I just need some fresh air, I’ll just go for a walk.” 

“Want some company?” 

“No, no.” He slams his computer shut, grabs his jacket and walks to the door. “If you see Aaron, would you let him know that I need to see him?” 

“Aaron?” she asks, and it almost looks like she is about to ask another question but something makes her rethink. “Yeah, ‘course.” 

“Thanks,” he says, leaving. 

The street is crowded but Robert can’t focus. He bumps into one confused tourist and almost trips over a suitcase being dragged down the street, trying to find his way to Aaron. Where did Adam say they were going? Right, he hadn’t said, he’d kept it a secret, the idiot. 

Robert makes his way to the corner and turns left almost bumping into -

“Mate, this is supposed to be a secret,” Adam says. 

Aaron is beside him, face flushed. 

Adam hits Robert on the shoulder. “I’ve been in to try and find a ring for Vic, a proper wedding ring.” 

Aaron’s eyes are blue, the blue of the sky on a summer’s day, full of warmth and life. Robert moves closer, just a small step but he sees Aaron take a shaky breath and he doesn’t ever want Aaron to doubt his feelings again. 

“See I went in there and Aaron had to pop out for something so I’m staring at all these rings, yeah, and I have no idea what I’m even looking for,” Adam says. “So anyway, we went down to this place ‘round the corner but I think the one I want might be in the first shop. Aaron’s a bit useless so I’m thinking of going there now?”

There’s a pause as Adam waits for a response which does not come. 

“Either of ya want to help, or should I just do this on my own?” Adam asks, impatient. 

Aaron clears his throat.“Not particularly, mate.” Aaron’s voice is gruff and eyes never once leaving Robert’s. Robert shakes his head when he realises Adam’s not leaving without and answer, and finally, Adam disappears.

They are alone. Aaron’s eyes are soft, an unanswered question lingering, half-agony and half-hope. Robert takes a deep breath, lifts his hand and slowly, so slowly he’s not quite sure it’s happening, he takes Aaron’s hand in his. 

“I tried to forget,” Aaron says. 

Robert looks at him, squeezes the familiar hand in his own. “I’m so sorry Aaron, I was an idiot. I want you,” Robert whispers. “I never stopped.” 

Aaron’s face lifts in a smile, and Robert takes a step closer. Aaron looks around, noticing the busy street and the many people surrounding them, and he holds back. “Shouldn’t we go somewhere?” 

Robert takes another step and places his free hand on Aaron’s cheek. In lieu of speaking, he leans forward, eyes taking in every inch of Aaron’s face as he does so. In seconds he is close enough, and finally, their lips touch.

Aaron’s lips are still soft, plump, and framed by stubble. It is at once entirely new and so deeply familiar; a mixture of new thrills and old pleasures running through his mind. It is a gentle kiss, one that lasts only seconds but it is laced with the promise of more; more time, more desperation, more everything. 

Robert pulls away and opens his eyes to find Aaron’s wide, the surprise clear. Aaron’s lips curl into a smile. Robert looks down at Aaron’s lips and feels a hunger grow that is mirrored in Aaron’s gaze. 

“We should probably go somewhere,” Robert says, and Aaron lets out a small laugh.

They walk next to each other towards Robert’s hotel, elbows knocking together with each step, sharing smiles and knowing looks as they make their way there. With each smile, Robert can feel something loosen in his chest, a weight he had carried for so long he had forgotten it was there slowly disappearing into nothingness as Aaron grins at him like an idiot.

As soon as they get through the door to Robert’s room, his heart starts thumping in his chest, his nerves flare back up. Aaron stares at him, hands still in his pocket. There is no mad declaration, not yet. They stare at each other, green eyes on blue, taking in the sight of one another. Robert no longer has to pretend he isn’t looking, pretend he isn’t watching Aaron’s every move and it is a freedom he will never again take for granted.

“I–” Robert begins but Aaron cuts him off with a few quick steps and a searing kiss. 

The air is knocked out of Robert’s lungs as Aaron presses against him, pulling at his clothes and opening his mouth just enough for Robert to deepen the kiss, to bring their tongues to touch. Nothing in Robert’s memory ever fully captured the sudden desire he feels with Aaron’s tongue sliding along his own, the fierce need that takes over and drives him to wrap his arms around him, pull Aaron closer. 

They fumble, Aaron shoving off Robert’s jacket and blazer before working on the buttons on his shirt and Robert desperately trying to get Aaron’s hoodie off over his head. It is a mess of clothes and kisses that ends only when Aaron starts to laugh with his lips still pressed to Robert’s. He pulls away, eyes bright, and then takes a few painstaking seconds to pull it over his head before Robert can draw him back in. 

They fall back onto the bed, feather duvet billowing around them. Robert kisses his way down Aaron’s neck, hands taking in the muscles of his chest; Aaron is broader now, leaner, somehow more dense. It is exhilarating to feel Aaron’s body move as Robert’s fingers trail across it, to re-familiarise himself with something that once was so intimately seared into his memory. 

Aaron puts a hand on either side of Robert’s chest and pulls him up so they face each other before flipping them so he can press Robert into the mattress, so he can frame Robert’s body with his own. 

The dam that Robert has spent the past five years building breaks, flooding him with all the feelings he had before Aaron left, making his chest too tight and his heart giddy. 

Aaron’s here, Aaron’s kissing him. Aaron is his again. 

The bed is big enough this time around, and they don’t stop until they are both sweaty, breathless. Robert pulls Aaron close, wraps his arms around him. 

“Holding me quite tight,” Aaron says, wriggling in Robert’s arms. 

“I’m never letting you go again,” Robert replies. 

Silence falls between them. 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Robert admits.

Aaron moves so he can look Robert in the eye. “It only took us five years.” 

“I’m sorry,” Robert says but he is cut off when Aaron kisses him, gently this time. 

“Don’t… We were both as bad as the other.” 

Robert shakes his head. “I pushed you away, I made you hate me.” 

Aaron places a hand on Robert’s chest. “I left without a word, without giving you a chance to reconsider, or even helping you through it.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Robert says. “I don’t care who did what, I just care that you’re here, we’re here.” 

Aaron leans forward and they kiss, and it drives all thoughts from Robert’s brain. 

“What are you going to tell them?” Aaron asks later as they get dressed. Jack’s party is still happening and Robert’s presence is still expected. 

“You’re going to be there, right?” Robert asks. 

“You’ve not actually asked,” Aaron teases. “‘Course, if you want me there.” 

Robert can’t tell him yet that he never wants to be parted from him again, that Aaron will never again be a separate part of his life. Aaron’s in it, for good this time. Instead he smiles, nods once, and watches as Aaron returns the gesture.

Robert shrugs. “I’m going to tell him the truth. Jack won’t hurt me this time.” 

The venue is packed for Jack Sugden’s business event, and Robert walks in calmly, feeling more steady and certain of himself than he ever has. There are countless people there that know him, who extend their hands to greet him, but he politely declines, walking instead directly towards where Andy, Katie, and Jack are standing. 

“We need to talk,” he says, “in private.” 

Jack looks around but doesn’t concede. “Speak quietly but do it here,” he says. “I don’t want anyone thinking there’s something wrong.” 

Robert lowers his voice but now it comes out strained, anger showing. “Lawrence isn’t what we thought. He isn’t just some miracle investor, he’s going to turn the company around, make it his.” 

Jack doesn’t react. He looks at Robert, eyes calm, oddly so. 

“Have you signed anything yet?” Robert asks. 

Jack shares a look with Andy and then shakes his head. “We know,” he says. 

“You what?”

“This is a part of the agreement. Lawrence will put his own people in charge, keep me on as the head of the company, and help build us back up.” 

Robert can feel the muscles tense, his fists clench at his sides. 

“You knew?” Robert tries to keep his voice down and so it comes out as an angry whisper. “You knew and you didn’t tell me?” 

Jack shrugs. “Didn’t find it necessary. We would still be working in our company, and since you no longer have Rug Tree Bonds to keep you busy you’ll be able to focus on something important,” Jack says. His voice is cold. 

Realisation hits. They never wanted Robert involved, not really. He was there simply to feel like a part of the procedure, to do Jack’s bidding. Robert’s wishes were never important, his ideas dismissed. In fact, they always have been. It’s the last straw.

A gasp runs through the crowd, and Robert turns his head to see that Aaron has entered the party, along with Vic and Adam. He looks amazing—his suit is tailored to his body, dark blue with a grey tie, and Robert catches his eye. They share a look that makes Robert’s face warm. 

“Dad, I quit.” 

Jack freezes. “You what?” he says, trying to keep his voice down.

Robert moves closer, staring intently into his father’s eyes. “I’ve spent years trying to make you proud of me, to be a part of this company, and now you throw it all away for some idiot with a bit of cash?” Robert shakes his head. “No, I can’t do it anymore.” 

“Where did you two run off to this afternoon?” Adam says as he walks up to Robert, Aaron in tow. “Do what, Robert?” Vic is standing there too, looking between Robert and Jack. “I thought everything was going forward?”

“I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not any more,” he says and his voice cracks. 

Aaron’s standing behind him and he puts a hand on Robert’s shoulder. 

“You?! Not this again,” Jack says. “I told you before Robert, I won’t—”

“I don’t care,” Robert says. He intertwines his fingers with Aaron’s and watches as Jack’s eyes darken as he takes it in. 

Vic lets out an excited squeal. “I knew it!” she says. 

“I spent years trying to pretend I was something I’m not but it ends now.” 

Andy’s eyes drift down to find Robert’s and he looks at the two of them, confused.

“What’s going on?” Andy asks and Robert sighs.

“I’m bisexual, Andy, it shouldn’t be that difficult even for someone as stupid as you to understand.” 

Vic’s smile grows even wider. Adam hits Aaron’s shoulder.

“Mate, you sneaky bastard,” he says, and Aaron shrugs it off, a small smile on his lips. 

“Who wants a drink?” Robert asks. 

“Not here you won’t!” Jack says. 

“Fine, we’ll go elsewhere. I hear Manchester has a vibrant gay village, maybe we’ll go there?” 

Vic clasps her hands together at her chest. “I’ve always wanted to go,” she says. 

Robert turns around and pulls Aaron outside of the restaurant. The cameras start flashing as the paparazzi realise who has exited the venue, and Robert freezes, meeting Aaron’s eye. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Aaron says. 

Robert shrugs. “Maybe not, but I want to.” 

He grabs Aaron’s by his lapels and pulls him in, kissing him hard on the lips. The lights start flashing more intensely than before but it doesn’t matter, none of it does. The only thing that matters is Aaron’s lips on his, Aaron’s hand on his back, Aaron’s heart beating against Robert’s chest. 

**LONDON**

Robert wakes up to the sun’s rays hitting his face. He is in a bed so large it could fit at least four people with his arms wrapped around Aaron; they occupy only a fraction of it, but it is just as it should be.

He presses a kiss to Aaron’s neck, thumb stroking Aaron’s stomach. 

“Morning,” Aaron croakes. 

Robert pulls him closer. “Good morning,” he says. 

Aaron puts a hand over Robert’s. 

“You snore,” Robert says. 

Aaron groans into his pillow. “No, I don’t.” 

“You do,” Robert says, kissing Aaron’s shoulder again. “Little snores like…” and he imitates the small noises that escape Aaron as he sleeps, earning him a sullen look from Aaron. 

“It’s too early in the morning for teasing,” Aaron says. 

Robert smiles. “Is it too early in the morning for this?” He bites the skin below Aaron’s earlobe and feels Aaron shiver in his arms. 

“It is never too early for that,” Aaron mutters, and then he puts his hand on Robert’s arse. 

They have a life together, a life Robert never could have expected or thought he would have. So he relishes every moment, especially ones where the sound of Aaron's moans echo through their home.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you came this far and enjoyed it, thank you so so much. A comment would make my heart sing. I loved writing this story, loved writing Aaron and Robert in this story, moulding it to fit them and their surroundings.


End file.
